


Jeg Heter Finn (My name is Finn)

by bridge2X



Series: The Finn Weber Story [2]
Category: Ylvis
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Jeg heter Finn, Video Character, alter ego, finn - Freeform, music video
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:11:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3627798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bridge2X/pseuds/bridge2X
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part two of the Finn Weber Story<br/>The protagonist is inspired by Vegard's Video Character and the things you can imagine happening to him. But this is NOT telling the story of the music videos, although the chapters (separated in 'books') are named after them!<br/>There's much more to Finn than meet the eye! And yes, he's fighting a hard battle to cope with his life.<br/>He could really use a friend...<br/>I added some of Vegard to this Finn character, like his musicality or being nerd- ish since I started to write this in the first place to explore what all the others see in Vegard!<br/>And I found out btw...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Becoming friends

**Author's Note:**

> I try to finish the next chapter as soon as possible! But there's not much space in my daily life for writing, so please be patient!

Ever since that glorious Sunday when I met my new perfect neighbour I had spent as many hours outside the house as possible but I never caught a glimpse of him.  
I had lots of time to kill so I wasted way too many thoughts about what would happen when I'd meet him again, imagining conversations and a lot of touching

\- I admit I got a little obsessed!

Ok, now this sounds as if weeks had passed but in fact it was only three days.

Wednesday evening I was adjusting the sprinklers in the garden when I suddenly heard his voice behind me.

"When you're done with your garden you can continue with mine!"

I tried to wipe this insane grin from my face before I turned around.

He leaned on the fence between our properties, wearing a grey business suit and a white shirt without a tie, looking stunning! What was it again I had planned to say?  
"Oh, umm..sure, I can do that!" I took a closer look at his garden. "although this jungle of yours seems to care for itself!  
...Hei!- by the way!"  
"Hei Vanessa!"  
He stood up and turned around himself to check out the masses of weeds growing around him.  
"Yeah, I kinda like it!" he said "At first it was just that I was to lazy to take care of this mess...but I think I'm gonna keep it!"  
He rolled his head around on his shoulders and gave me a smile.

"Nice idea! Although Tore will not be too pleased!"

"Tore?"

"My brother, you know? He loves his lawn!  
Back from work?" I asked, pointing with my head towards his outfit. "You look tired!"  
Hopefully he wouldn't find it a rude thing to say!

"I actually am!" he said rubbing his nose "Would you like to come over so I can place my butt somewhere comfortable? I'd love to see a friendly face for a moment before this day is over."

"Nice idea! I'll bring my friendliest of faces!"

I fought hard not to look like a retarded elephant climbing over the fence and followed him  
to the veranda at the backside of his house. There were no furniture but a hammock was hanging between two trees a few meters away.

"Awww, cool! I love those!" I called out thrilled and threw myself on it.  
After I had swung back and forth for a few seconds I sat up, embarrassed.  
"Oh. sorry! It should be for you to relax!"

"Nah..., it's ok! I just sit down here." he smirked and placed himself on the stairs to the veranda.

"The funny thing is I've never been here after living next door for twenty-five years!" I stated and took a closer look at the surroundings. "But there were never kids living here so I had no reason to come."

"Ah- you grew up here?" he asked interested

"Yup. It's my mother's house. She died when I was eighteen and Tore kept it when he got married"

"Sorry about your mum..."

"Uh, it's ok! It has been a while, you know?"  
I gazed over to our house. "I still feel at home here very much.  
And my brother is doing his best to replace my mum! 'Nessa, you need to be more responsible!' " I joked , copying him.

"Nessa?!" Finn cringed.

"I know!" I laughed "That's how my mum called me. I try to get rid of it for years but he won't stop calling me that!"

"But what about the beautiful rest of your name? 'Van' to me sounds far too nice to just drop it!"

"Yeah, back at school the girls used to call me Vanny." I answered

"That's nicer!" he nodded "I will use that if you don't mind.  
Do you know that your name was a creation of a great mind back in the 18th century?"

I gave him a questioning look.

"Jonathan Swift wrote a poem in 1726 about his lover Esther Vanhornrigh and used 'Vanessa' as a synonym for her. It got famous as a first name since then. There's even a butterfly genus named Vanessa!"

"Wow! How come you know all that?" I asked surprised

"Oh, I read about it. Got stuck in my head."

"Very appreciated knowledge, thank you!"  
I quietly smiled to myself while I swung a bit in my hammock. Did that mean he googled my name? Or could it just be coincidence? If not- why would he do it?  
I didn't dare to follow this thought any further.

"Want to get rid of this suit, if you don't mind!" he interrupted my thinking. "I'll be back in a minute!"

"Oh, hey Finn- I'm curious!" I called after him "Can I come with you and take a look at the house?"

He wordlessly beckoned me in and I hurried after him through the glass door.

The room I came into hit me by surprise.  
It was empty. The only piece of furniture was an old couch standing right in the middle by a small, packed table.  
  
"Oh my god! Don't get shocked but I think you were robbed!" I quipped to hide my astonishment.  
  
He chuckled and opened the door to the hallway which was empty as well as I could see now.  
"I didn't take care about furnishings by now. Give me some time!"

"Money issues?" I asked compassionately thinking of his separating.  
  
"No..." He stopped walking down the hallway and turned back to me. "No, money was never a problem!"

He opened a door into a kitchen that was almost as blank as the other rooms except for a plane white kitchenette and a fridge.  
On the desk stood a bottle of red wine and four bulbous wine glasses.  
He grabbed the bottle and pulled out the cork.

"May I offer you a drink?" he asked while he filled one of the glasses half way.

"Oh, not for me, thank you!" I opted out "I get drunk from a piece of brandy confectionery!"

"Sorry, I don't have anything else!" he apologized and leaned back on the desk sipping from his wine.  
  
"Don't worry, I don't need anything." I replied.

He gazed into his glass.  
"I have a very, very well paid job, you know.  
We had absolutely everything, Sanna and me and the kids back in our house.  
Everything one can imagine to have.  
But I felt like I don't wanted it anymore.  
What she didn't take to Göteborg, I left in the house to sell it combined."

He gave me a smile and made a sweeping gesture with his glass.  
"I feel released from all that stuff, I'm telling you!  
My plan is to just buy anything the very moment I feel like I desperately miss it!"

"Sounds like a plan!" I smiled back.

He stood up. "Back to my main goal!" he said and made his way to the next door.

This room seemed to be the only one in this house filled with stuff.  
Very special stuff.

Beside a huge wardrobe a lot of musical instruments were arranged all over the room, accurately placed in their racks, all neat and obviously cherished.  
There was a digital piano, several guitars, a cello and a trumpet as well as a mixer table.

"Wow... your secret life as a musician!" I murmured  
  
"Yup, I told you!" he called while he took off his jacket and hung it on a hanger.

"You can play all of these?" I asked in amazement.

"Uh-hm, I taught myself" he answered and started to opening his belt. "Can't think of anything better to do to relax!"

"Oh no, wait! I- eh..I'm gonna leave the room when you...!" I stuttered and heat crawled up my neck.

"Don't be stupid, I won't get naked!"

"Ok..."  
_No? You won't? A pity!_  
Still I didn't know where to look at.

I stepped next to the piano and tried to play a tone.  
I pressed a key several times until I understood that the thing was switched off and therefore I wouldn't get to hear one single sound.

Finn appeared beside me and turned the piano on.  
He only wore a white, ribbed undershirt, I noticed when I glanced over to him.  
Some black curly chest hair sneaked out at the neckline.  
It looked insanely sexy and I had to clear my throat to get back to normal breathing.

He ran his fingers over the keys and played a short harmony.  
"Here you are!" he mumbled.

Unskillfully I pretend to play something as well but it sounded as if I'd wish to butcher the keyboard and I providently put my hands into my pockets to not cause more noise.

"How come you musicians always have more than one guitar?" I asked casually.  
Anything but not thinking of him half undressed!  
"They all do not sound the same, do they?"

He started to laugh, his head inside a t-shirt.  
  
"No, of course they are all different in sound, structure and usage!" he started when he had pulled it down, came over and put his hand on the first guitar.  
"See, this one is a Flamenco guitar, which is not identical with a Spanish classical guitar, although the name would assume that. But it has a much more percussive sound that makes it a very suitable instrument to play jazz. It's an acoustic guitar.  
This Gibson here however is a semi-acoustic, a so called archtop guitar.  
Those are such, in which the top and often the back of the instrument are carved from a solid billet in a curved shape. The design is a bit similar to a violin because of that as well as because of these 'f' shaped holes here.  
It's 'semi' acoustic because the sound can be supported electrically over this pickup.  
Different from that this is an electric guitar.  
They are flat and solid because they don't need their body to produce sound. Electromagnetic pickups convert the vibration of the strings into signals, which are fed to an amplifier through a transmitter.  
Without that they don't give much sound, though.  
Same with bass guitar, which this is..."

He felt silent when he looked at me, although I hadn't done anything but trying to follow his explanations and enjoying the warm sound of his voice.

He bit his lips, ran both hands through his curls and turned around himself once.  
"Fuck! I'm doing it again!"

"What?" I asked, surprised by his harsh tone.

"Bothering people with facts they didn't ask for!"

"No, it's cool! It's like you are a living Wikipedia!" I laughed.

"Yeah, exactly what people love to have in a conversation! That's what makes me a freak!"

With an annoyed expression he grabbed the glass he had put on a sideboard when we had come in and took a big sip.

"No... really - cool to me! What is being a freak supposed to mean anyway?"

"Being different from others and aware of it all your life, that is!"

Sounded familiar.

"So what is it that makes you so different?" I asked

"None of your interest..."  
With arms crossed over his chest he stared down on the keyboard.  
His rudeness for some reason challenged me to break through to him instead of scaring me off as he obviously intended.

"You don't know my interests!"

He didn't answer, just made some modifications on the synthesizer while sipping from his wine.

The mood had completely changed within seconds but the more weird he acted the less I felt myself insufficient compared to him.

I went to his front side and sat down on a speaker standing on the wall so I could watch his face.  
"I can be a pain in the ass - you should tell me!" I stated.

"You wanna know?"

"That's why I asked."

He sighed and looked up, right into my eyes.

"I have an IQ of 176, I have a phonetic and photogenic memory and I hate it like hell!"

"No, you don't!" I answered promptly, holding his gaze  
.  
"What do you know about me?" he asked grumpy.

"Your phonetic memory is what enables you to play your music you love so much.  
And you enjoy to have all this knowledge as well, I saw it in your eyes when you gave me that guitar introduction.  
Still you don't know how to interact with 'normal' people on a longer term, because sometimes you just don't understand the way they're thinking."

Without a word he gazed at me for at least half a minute.  
I just stared back.

"Isn't that bad enough for a man of my age?" he finally asked.

"It is how it is. Maybe you are different but that doesn't mean it has to be something negative.  
Not all the time, though."

He began to roll the glass between his palms.  
"Huh!" he said.

"See, I know, what I'm talking about!  
You're not so different from me as you might think.  
No, I'm not a brilliant mind, as you probably found out already - I'm just highly gifted in mathematics!"

I frowned.

"I am deeply connected with the analytic half of my brain which is pretty strange for a female.  
I never found any joy in the stuff other girls were busy with nor ever felt like one of them.

And after high school I started to study informatics and guess what -  
I found myself not fitting in this male dominated world, so I dropped the studies!

So here I am, being on this earth for a quarter of a century  
and haven't found my place in it, yet!

If that isn't bad enough for a woman of my age!" I ended with a little smirk.

"So that is why..." he murmured quietly, raising his eyebrows.

When he saw my questioning gaze he explained:  
"Why you felt somehow familiar to me, like you're a relative or something..."

 _Don't you dare to tell I could be your sister!!_  
I swallowed that thought and answered instead:  
"You mean like this nerd flair surrounding us?!"

He laughed  
"Something like that, yeah!"

Suddenly he was back to that relaxed, charming self I've gotten to know.  
"Let's sit down in the garden!" he called, switched off the piano and rushed back to the hallway.  
I followed him.

Outside he directly went to the hammock, laid down on it and gave me a wide grin, when I finally reached the veranda.  
"Your bad. I was first!"  
I laughed, relieved that he was back to joking and sat down on the stairs this time.

He crossed his hands behind his neck and gazed at the tree above him, that was bathed in some purple light caused by the setting darkness.

"I'm sorry for being so rude before!" he then said.  
"It happened because I'm a freak, I told you! Sometimes I just can't control my temper!"

"Oh, don't worry! I'm no China doll, you know?" I answered calmly  
.  
"And now - go on, tell me some nerd stuff!"

"What topic?"  
"Music! I wanna learn about that!"

 

So he told me.  
This time and the following evening and the one after.

We just met at the fence and then we sat down somewhere and told each other about what ever came running through our minds.  
Music, architecture, horses, bad teachers back at school...  
Sometimes it was hard to follow him, because of that very efficient way he was giving information. But I was very eager to hear everything he had to tell.  
I loved the way he got exited about certain facts, I loved how his gestures spoke volumes all the time and that adorable single curl bouncing back to his forehead every now and then.

I...let's just say I lived for those moments, there was nothing else to wait for the whole day anyway.

I got up not before noon, found myself something to eat, went for the mail and then googled about the things Finn told me the day before, just waiting for him to arrive.

 

On Saturday it was different.

I found my way out of bed at about ten, dealt with things like shower and breakfast and then ran up and down the house like a caged tiger.

When I came across the big mirror in the hall I stopped and took a look at myself.

"You act like a fourteen-year-old, you know!" I told my reflection.  
Who cares, I never met someone like that man before!  
And he was there - right next door and I wanted to be near him, damn it!  
"So you should go, stupid - don't you think?"  
I nodded to myself and left the house.

When I reached the fence I ran back and put on a dress. Something short. I felt like showing him that I was actually a woman.

The back door at the veranda was open, so he was at home and up already.  
I fumbled my hair slide nervously and rubbed my lips a few times to make them blush a bit. This was the first time I bothered him without being invited...maybe he would not appreciate.

I took a deep breath and entered the living room.  
  
"Hei there, morning!" I called up the hallway.  
Morning! It was half past eleven already!

"Come in!" Finn called back from where I suggested the bathroom "I'll be right there!"

Irresolute I stood in the middle of the almost blank room.  
On the couch there was a crumpled blanket thrown on as well as a squeezed pillow - obviously he slept here.  
Indeed I couldn't remember if I saw a bed anywhere in the house.  
Somehow he was driving this no-furniture-thing over the top!

While I was thinking he came in, barefoot, holding a coffee mug.

"How you're doing on this beautiful Saturday?" he asked happily.  
  
"Weeeell... I'm bored!" I answered lame.  
  
"I was planning on making myself some more furniture - you are allowed to assist!"

"Like a bed?" I asked, pointing at the messed up couch.  
  
"Uhm...not this time!"

He grabbed pillow and blanket and stuffed it into the box inside the couch.

"I found myself a very comfortable wooden armchair that I would love to have in the garden, so I won't have to sit on the stairs no more when my hammock is not available!"

He gave me a little wink and took a sip from his coffee.

My heart skipped a beat.  
A very pleasant start for today!

"Are you sure I could be any help at all?" I laughed referring to the last time I tried.

"I'm very positive we will find something that will not overstrain your skills!  
But you should probably take on some old clothes...  
Nice dress, by the way!" he added and let his gaze glide down my shape.

_Mister! You're in a flirting mood today, aren't you?_

Ok, complimenting could be my thing, too!  
"Oh...thank you!" I was playing my innocent part.  
"Nice stubble you have there!"  
  
He hadn't shaved this morning and this dark hint of a beard made him look incredible rakish!  
He rubbed his chin with a grin and took another sip of his coffee.  
  
"Yeah, I know - I love being lazy with that!"

"Should I change immediately?"  
  
"Relax!" he replied "Want some coffee first?"  
  
I nodded and he went back to the kitchen to get me a mug as well.

"Here you are!" he said when he handed it to me.  
"If you want some...oh- wait a minute!" he interrupted himself when a humming sounded from somewhere near.  
He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and raised his eyebrows when he realized the caller on the display.  
"Hey!" he spoke into the phone and turned his back on me.

I tried my coffee and found it too bitter so I left him with his phone call and went to the kitchen to get myself some milk.

When I returned to the hallway I could hear him talk animatedly.  
The fact that he was speaking Swedish now let me guess he was talking to his wife.

I stopped- it seemed pretty rude to me to just walk into the room and listen to his conversation.

So I was walking up and down the hall, waiting for it to end.

Well, that didn't keep me from hearing anyway!  
I was torn between my wish to respect his privacy and a burning curiosity.

My Swedish was not perfect but I got an idea of what they were talking... arguing about.

"Yeah, but this is about what has caused that she doesn't want to talk to me!" I heard him bursting out.  
"...no, because you said I should not!"

Embarrassed I sneaked back to the kitchen - I could not stand spying on him! Not if it was a difficult dialogue like this one.

When after a few minutes they still were quarreling I decided to go back to my place until this was over.  
When I passed Finn in the living room I tried to gesture him that I would go back and change.  
He met my gaze for a second, nodded and raised his thumb while listening to the tirade coming out the phone.

I went back and found some old shorts and a t-shirt.  
Then I waited in my own garden, not sure if he would give me a sign when it was ok for me to come back.  
After half an hour had past without him showing up I went looking for him.

The glass door was closed. No hint of him inside either.  
Obviously he was gone.  
I felt a bit pissed that he hadn't informed me or at least left a note at the door, so I checked out the front of the house as well to make sure, he hadn't.

I couldn't tell if his car was gone for he always parked it inside the garage.

With a bad feeling in my stomach I laid down on the hammock in the garden and waited in case he would return soon.  
Maybe he was just out for some food shopping or something like that!  
. _.. could have informed me anyway!_ was my grumpy opinion to that.

Two hours later I suddenly opened my eyes and recognized that I had fallen asleep.  
Finn was still absent.

He didn't return that day, nor on Sunday.  
  


It made me furious, sad and worried in a wild mixture.

  
  
Then, like nothing happened at all, on Monday evening he was back at the fence wearing his business suit and looking tired.

"Hei!" he said calmly "How you're doing?"

  
I tried to ignore him for about 3 seconds, which was already hard enough, then I put my book away, took a deep breath and frowned at him.

"Where have you been??  
Don't you think you could have informed me? I thought we had an appointment, you know!"

"Oh, come on I'm sorry! This was..." he paused and looked down at his hands.  
"Ok, you are right.  
I _am_ sorry!  
I had some issues with my family and felt that I had to get into my car and drive to Göteborg to see my kids.  
It took the whole weekend but I think it was the right thing to do!  
I forgot about you to be honest!"

Ouch!  
I had expected it to be something like that but nevertheless...I just wished I was more important to him.

His gaze was begging me for leniency but I could not let him get away with it just like that.

"I understand that this whole situation is hard for you but anyway- just a note on the door would had done it!"

"Yeah, I..." he murmured.  
"Seems like I'm not used too much to that whole friendship concept anymore. Has been a while...  
And I'm awkward with stuff like that anyway as you may have found out already!" he added sarcastically.

I didn't answer.  
Not because I wished to punish him but I just didn't know how to react, still feeling hurt but stunned by his statement implying that we were actually friends.

He grabbed the single curl on his forehead and stuffed it back among the others, seeking for eye contact.

"You will have to sit on the stairs for that!" I mumbled grumpy "You still have no chair!"

"Fair enough!" he laughed obviously relieved with my reaction.

"Come!"  
With arms wide open he invited me to follow him

"Do you want a glass of wine?"  
  
"Seriously? Again? Why are you constantly trying to get me drunk?"  
  
"Aaaah! Come on! Bad day, good wine - that's how it should be!  
Back in my former life I had a cellar full of expensive wine.  
And a bunch of those bottles is one of the few things I could not leave behind!

I don't need the luxury of a bed but this is something..." he added when we reached the house and he opened the door to get that object of his desire.

"What do you think about telling me about this bad day of yours?" I asked when he came out again.

"Naa, not worth the words!" he refused and sat down with his glass.

"No drink for you for sure? I feel bad drinking alone all the time!"  
  
"Maybe you could take this for a reason to drink less..." I suggested carefully.

"I am able to decide how much...!" he raised his voice.

I pulled my legs up to my chest in the hammock like to protect myself from his sudden outburst.  
When he recognized it he paused and cleared his throat.

"I don't get drunk, though, do I?" he asked sceptically.  
  
"Sometimes... I murmured insecure  
  
"So just one glass for me today!"

He gave me a wide happy grin and it looked to me as if he was trying to just smile this whole subject away.  
And he succeeded. It was like he melted my brain every time he smiled at me.

So I simply swung in my hammock and enjoyed listening to his sonorous voice telling me stuff about moose he once read.  
Still a weird feeling remains in my stomach why he was so protective about whatever was bothering him.

 

We went back to our daily routine.

A few days later the weather turned bad.  
So we were sitting in his improvised studio instead and he played some guitar or piano tunes, showing me what music he loved the most, chatting about musicians or trying to teach me some guitar riffs.

From time to time he played some of the stuff he had written himself.  
I have to admit I have no real clue of music and I probably had a major crush on him that clouded my judgement but it was really good!

"Have you ever played your songs in public or tried to introduce them to someone being more able to appreciate your skills than I can?" I asked after listening to a few of them.

He just shook his had, biting his lips.  
"That's not why I made them...  
I haven't played in public since I left university."

"But you should! This is really good!"

My words made him smile quietly to himself.  
"Thank you. Maybe one day when I get a hold of my life again..."  
His staggering dark eyes rested on me with a happy intensity that raised my heartbeat.  
It was clear to see how much more comfortable he felt with everything when it comes to music. I felt a burning need to hug him tight but I didn't.  
We kind of had not reached that point yet.

 

So that was what my life was all about these weeks - spending evenings with Finn in his garden or studio, blown away by his knowledge and his music.  
On weekends we had fun making some more shabby chic creations...  
Everything was just perfect!

I had lost my heart.

We somehow took care of each other.  
I started to bring snacks, hoping it would keep him from drinking too much or at least make him also eat something.  
Probably to please me he only had one glass a night.

In return he seemed to be happy to teach me everything I asked to learn.

 

One of those evenings he finally noticed the one thing that was wrong with my architects career.  
My bad.

"Do you know what I was asking myself a few times before?  
How come you are staying here at your brother's during summer semester? Don't you have classes?"

"Umm..." I hesitated.  
"That's because I had to suspend for the second semester. My Ex left me around Christmas.  
It was pretty much of a downer and I missed out too many classes to continue so now I will have to wait till September."

"Huh! You're telling me!...about breaking up being a downer, I mean!" he mumbled, stretched out his legs and laid back into that named armchair, watching the leaves above us.

I gazed at him relaxing there all quietly and suddenly felt uncomfortable.

I should not have done that.  
Not again, not this one time!

"It's a lie!" I said following a sudden impulse.

"What exactly?" he asked without loosening his gaze from the tree.

"What I just told you!  
I didn't quit my classes because of a break up.  
Yeah, this guy left me, but he was an asshole and I didn't give a shit."

Wordless he sat up and looked at me with an attentive expression on his face.

"I missed classes because I cannot manage to get up early,  
I always fail to finish my homework on time and I already lost two expensive books from the library in just one semester!" I continued breathlessly.  
"It now happened for the second time and I had a long serious conversation with the head master of scholarship supervision telling me I'm going to lose my grant if I wouldn't change my attitude!  
  
So that is what I am about.  
And the thing I'm second best at after failing big time with being responsible  
is lying my butt off to hide it!  
And for some strange reason I felt like you should be the right person to change at least that!"  
I was glad, he hadn't interrupted me so I could get it out in one go.

"Ok..." he said "I feel flattered!"  
A small grin was playing on his lips.

"So what you're actually doing now?"

"Sitting my brother's house?"

"No, I mean what are you _doing?_ Like preparing yourself for September."

"Waiting for new things to come, I guess..."  
My ears were burning. It probably was a stupid idea to open up so much.  
I felt so ashamed reading into his words how he must see me now.

"You could think of something useful to do to not waste six month of your precious lifetime, you know!" he replied.

"Yeah Dad, thank you!" I laughed to hide my embarrassment.  
"There are not many things I can do, though!"

"Did you ever thought of passing an internship at any company related to your profession?  
We often have interns at our office.  
I could give you a phone number so you can ask for a chance!  
Shouldn't be a problem if you don't expect to get paid.  
And your reputation would greatly benefit from it, don't you think?"

God...was he serious about that?!

"Are you serious about that?!  
You invite me to work at your office??  
But you heard what I said about my reliability?"  
My heart knocked hard against my chest.

"Why not?" he answered lightly  
"I bet you would do great. You are smart and you have an eye for details.  
And I know just too well sometimes it just takes something to catch your interest to change everything!  
...Let's say you are improved by me!"

That would be like a dream for me!  
My chance to see him regularly after my family would have been returned next week,  
even witness his brilliant mind working.

...And he was so right about my studies!

"Can I quote this when I call your office?"

"Aah...better that you don't!" he fended of.  
"So you wanna have the number?"

He took his wallet out his pocket and handed out a business card to me.

I kept it like a little treasure in my hands, smiling at him like an idiot.

"I will call tomorrow!" I promised.  
"Thank you so, so much for your trust in me!"

"You're on your own at this!  
I am only doing the kick-off!  
But I'm looking forward to have a coffee with you during lunch break."

"I could consider to start drinking coffee regularly just for you!" I giggled

"So come on, tell me some details!  
How is it to work at an established office like yours?  
How are your colleagues?"

"Not tonight!" he refused. "I'm too tired right now.  
I see you tomorrow and you can report me how your application went.  
Would you do that?"

He gave me an uncommitted smile and stood up.

"Of course I will!  
I never meant to be annoying with my questions! Have a good night!" I said hastily.

"No! You ain't!" he smiled  
"Good night, Vanny!"

He went into his empty house and I returned to mine.

The thought of tomorrow and what I had just promised was scaring me out But I already knew I would do it!  
I would do anything to be with him!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Wikipedia for making Finn a living Wikipedia


	2. Becoming colleagues

~~~~On Friday I took the subway to my interview at Carlsen Ark.  
It was located in a 20th floor high rise building near the Opera up on the 16th floor with a breathtaking view over the water as I found out when I waited in the lobby to be called in.

It had taken me more than an hour the previous Wednesday to actually dial the number.   
One hour in which I had done everything from practicing my initial words to throwing that little blue card into the waste bin. Normally I had found a very believable excuse why I had not been able to make that call or  what had kept the person on the other side of the line to not accept my request.  Phone calls with strangers were a very unpleasant thing to do and applications were the worst form of it.  But never ever I would dare to show Finn what a coward I was and how awkwardly I normally hid away from everything uncomfortable!   
Plus I really was keen to work with him.   
Plus it would look good in my portfolio.   
In this order.  

The young, well-dressed blonde at the reception invited me into Mr. Carlsens office.   
Nervously I plucked on the sleeves of my respectable white blouse that I wore along with a clean pair of jeans and went in.   
Carlsen was a tall, beefy man in his fifties with grey her and a professional smile.  We shook hands and he invited me to sit down with a gesture.   
  
"So, Miss..." he took a look at his note. "Gårdedahl... you are asking for an internship at  our company?"    
I nodded zealously.   
"How did you find out about Carlsen Ark and why did you choose us?"   
  
I cleared my throat. "One of your employees is a neighbour of mine - Finn Weber!"   
  
"Weber...hm, well!" he hummed.   
  
"Yes. He told me Carlsen Ark would be a perfect choice because you're having interns regularly and I would be able to get a lot of insight into the profession of an architect."   
  
"Yeah, that might be right! I read in your portfolio you already started studying last fall? What made you stop?"   
  
"Oh, I had to pause for one semester for personal reasons. But I will pick up my studies in September! I just thought I should spend the meantime in a useful way!" _...or Finn thought!_      
  
"It for sure will be useful to be our intern if you are attentive and reliable!  I can offer you to join us for three month including an assessment.   We are not paying our interns but you get the opportunity to have a daily lunch at the cafeteria in the basement of this building. All our employees eat there for free.    
Our regular work hours are from 8.30 to 17.00. What do you think? Are you in?"   
  
"I- eh..yes! Wow, that was kind of easy!" I stated perplexed.   
  
"It's just an internship and I'm a very busy man, missy!" Carlsen smirked kindly.    
"If it doesn't work out we will just send you home - that's how things work here!   
Come on, I will introduce you to a member of my staff who is responsible for our interns. She will show you around and explain further details!"    
  
He opened the door and beckoned me out.   
I followed him through the planning office to a desk in the background where a short middle- aged woman with some overweight and a friendly face was working on her notebook.  
Anna-Beate Arnesen said the sign on her desk.   
  
"Mrs. Arnesen!" Carlsen called, still 5 meters away "This is Miss Gå..." 

"Gårdedahl!" I helped out   
  
"Gårdedahl! She is going to start an internship next week! You will do your part, won't you?" He clapped her shoulder and off he was. 

Mrs. Arnesen stood up and stretched out her hand.  

"Hei! I'm Anna! We call ourselves by our first name if you don't mind!" 

"I'm Vanessa!" I said relieved by her open-hearted way and shook her hand.  

"Hei Vanessa, nice to meet you!   What do you think- I'll give you a short tour of our locations here and introduce you to some of the faces who are present at the moment!"  

"That would be great! But- please- only if I do not disturb anybody working..."  
I felt not too comfortable with getting too much attention from people I didn't know.  

"Oh, come on girl! We have a relaxed atmosphere here, joking around a lot and such, you will like it!   
First of all - Carlsen employs five architects who are leading the projects the company wins. Then there are a bunch of graphic designer like me and Carl here..."  
She pointed at a young man we were passing by. "This is Vanessa, our new intern!" 

The skinny redheaded guy lifted a hand and sent me a fleeting smile and we went on.  

"These are our architects but almost all of them are away at the moment... caring about their building areas." Anna explained when we came across a wall where photos of Carlsen and his staff were hanging.  
Four men and one woman.    
  
"I already know one of them!" I smiled, recognizing Finns picture that showed him the way I saw him - a handsome man with an incredible smile.  "Finn is a friend of mine- he's the one who brought me here!"   
  
"He's your friend?" she repeated "You.. that's a good thing to know I guess!" 

"There isn't anything wrong with that, is it?" I asked insecure "He would not give any preferences to me in any way, I'm sure!" 

"No, there's nothing wrong with being friends here! As long as you don't have an affair or something - Carlsen doesn't like that too much!  Finn... he's a nice guy!" she added.  

So that was that! If I should ever get the chance in this world to be with him I would not tell them!  
I could live with that, as long as it only would happen one day!   
  
Our tour ended up at the break room, a small sphere with a shiny white kitchenette and a very exclusive coffee machine.  
There I got to meet Ben, the only architect present.    
He was a chubby blond man in his late forties who was very pleasant and immediately brew me a coffee with that monster of a machine. It was delicious!   
He was replaced by a woman of my age who came in for a bottle of water.   
She was a very girly type with dark red coloured hair and high heels you could have used as weapons!  

Anna started anew:     
"Vanessa - this is Mette! Mette is one of Carlsens three personal assistants!" 

"Three assistants?!" I asked incredulous 

"Yes!" Mette giggled "He loves to delegate! My job is more or less to make sure he never has to touch a computer by himself! So fancy! But it's a good job and it's fun here!  What was your job again?"  

"Vanessa is our new intern!" Anna  introduced me. 

"Oh, well!" Mette smiled "Never mind if I can't remember your name on Monday! There are so many interns here come and gone!"

"Yeah, Finn already told me you have interns here constantly!" I answered.  

"Finn?" Mette crinkled her pretty nose. 

"She's talking about Albert!" Anna explained. 

"Oouh- Albert! ...sorry, I don't get that!"  

"Me neither!" I had to admit.   

"Finn is Albert's real name! We all call him Albert here ...I think it started some years ago when - I believe it was Holger, one of the other architects,- started calling him Albert Einstein because of this long term lectures he loves to give! It became sort of a thing here- now even some of the younger ones don't know it any other way!" 

"Are you kidding me?" Mette giggled silly. "How strange is that?! I see him like every day for over a year now and I had no idea that this wasn't his name at all!!"   
She opened her water bottle and chuckled happily when the water fizzled out, spoiling the floor.   
"Albert Einstein! I do love that! It's a fitting name for him, don't you think?"  
She poked me with her elbow and stalked out on her high heels, still giggling. 

I decided to massively dislike her! 

"God! This girl!" Anna mumbled and took some tissues to clean up the water on the floor she had left.  "Don't take her too serious, will you?" 

"All fine! I don't have to agree with everybody!"   
Above all not before I had even started here! I remembered but too well how easy I could be send home, like Carlsen had pointed it out!  I was not the kind of a person to make enemies anyway.  I could not stand it when people hated me. But I was doing a great job hating others with all my heart - they just would never know!   

Anna though, I liked a lot!   

She gave me a key card, a locker for my bag and then we said goodbye for the weekend.   
I was very much looking forward to Monday!    
And I couldn't wait to tell Finn about it!   

 

When I went home I got aware that I didn't even got Finn's phone number!  
I was never in need to call him before.  
Well, maybe I wasn't now either, I just had to wait until he came home. But I just wished I had the opportunity, especially because I didn't catch a glimpse of him that day anymore. 

 

On Saturday I spent a lot of time at the stables with my horse. 

From now on I would not have the time to visit him more than once a week.   
It made me sad but was pretty clear that I had to set priorities. 

So I had a nice long ride-out, took care of my equipment and then went back to wait for Tore and Christina who would come home today.

It was cozy to have them back.  
They were tanned and relaxed and Tore had grown a beard.   
It looked strange to say it politely but, well- he wasn't my husband! 

We had some drinks and they gave me a report about Bali. 

"And back home?" Tore asked "Did everything go well here?" 

"Yeah, perfectly!" I replied "Almost..." 

"What do you mean- almost?" 

"Well, the Rhododendron died..."  

Christina moaned. 

"...and I kind of broke the lock of the garage door!" 

"You must be joking! How did you manage that again?! And what is 'kind of broke'?"  

Tore was mad. The regeneration caused by his vacation went down the gutter. 

"Gosh- it does not lock! What do you think it means?" I grumbled back.   
"I've done nothing wrong! It just was like that one day! We can take a look at it, smart ass!"   
Sulky I stomped out the front door to our garage.  

Tore followed me and tried out the lock of the garage door by opening and closing it a few times, when a car stopped near by. 

"Who the fuck drives an Alfa Romeo here?" Tore mumbled irritated, still busy checking out the lock. 

I turned around to take a look.   
It was Finn!   
I had no idea of cars but even I could tell that this stylish black vehicle was something fancy and expensive!   
It made me grin. 

"Hey you!" I called when he got out. "Seriously? Alfa Romeo?    
I guess this plays in the wine-bottle-league?" 

He rubbed his eyes, silently laughing and then answered:    
"It's very comfortable and brings you from A to B in no time! You should try it!"  

I stuck out my tongue on him and grinned. 

"I heard you were successful yesterday?" he asked. 

"Oh yeah!" Pride could be heard in my voice, although it had been no big deal to get it done.   
"From Monday on we will be colleagues...sort of!" 

"What did I miss?" Tore interrupted our chat. 

"Oh, sorry! Tore - This is Finn Weber! He's your new neighbour from number 28.   
My brother Tore..." 

"Hei!" Tore smiled happily and they shook hands. 

"And what you missed is that he is a successful architect and got me an internship at the company he is working at!" 

"No!" Tore called out in a faked surprise. "You are working?! You mean - like constantly?  That I will only believe when I'll see it!" 

 _Bla,bla! Idiot!_ He shouldn't talk like that while Finn was listening! 

"But at least you didn't break this lock! It just needs some oil and then it will work again!" he added. 

"I will leave you two alone! I guess you have some stuff to share from those past weeks!" Finn stated. 

"No, you..." I tried to stop him but he had already sat into his car and drove it into the garage. 

"Nice guy!" Tore said. "Has he got family?" 

"No, separated!" I answered  
"We spent some time together in the last weeks... he's cool!"   
I was not keen of telling Tore anything more, especially not about my feelings!    
It didn't happen too often that we were of the same opinion...    

 

The same evening I went back to Oslo – I had to clean up my room at the dorm.   
I hadn’t been there for more than three weeks now   
I also had to check out my clothing… People working at Carlsen Ark were dressed not exactly formal but kind of respectable.   
I could not borrow Christina's stuff all the time; possibly I had to buy some.   

When I went to bed I prepared three alarm clocks to make sure I would not oversleep.   
Nevertheless I woke up every thirty minutes until I decided in the early morning it would be useless to try anymore.  

I got up, took a shower, washed my hair two times, changed my clothes at least five times before I headed down to the kitchen for a tea.  Did I mention I was nervous?    
I knew it was just an internship; moreover one I took voluntarily, but never before in my life was I more strained to make a good impression!   

 

I was ten minutes early but the blonde at the reception- Karla, she introduced herself – was already there as well as Anna and a few others who were sitting at their desks, absorbed in their work.   

Anna was pleased to see me and so was I.   

She placed me into a small lounge area and gave me a big red folder where all of CA’s projects of the last 3 year were documented and told me to read through it to get a first impression of what they were doing. 

It was a fascinating reading that I was about to study with care, when suddenly a familiar voice said “Hey!” next to my ear.  

My stomach made that well-known little flip when I recognized him.    
A smile spread on my face and I turned around to look at him.  

"Morning, colleague, nice to see you!” I said happily. 

"Morning!”  

There he stood in his dark brown suit, his curls all made up…except that unmanageable one on his forehead, holding a coffee mug and giving his brightest smile to me. 

"I see you got the book!"  

"The book?" Irritated I turned the red folder around in my hands. 

"That's what we call it here!" he explained "Everyone new has to bite through it first!" 

"Oh, I love it! There's really awesome stuff to find in it!" I stated eagerly    
"This one glass extension you made of...what was it? Wait, I mean this one here..."  

I put the heavy folder on the backrest of the couch to show him. 

" Ah - it's a little church in Asker..." he realized. "I love these wooden joists combined with the glass front" 

"Exactly! Can you explain to me how it is even possible to have such huge windows only with one beam on top for support?"  
My interest was completely sincere.  
I knelt on the seat of the couch and he stood behind it, both of us tied by the pictures of his former project.   

Right in the middle of his description two men came walking across us and stopped when they recognized Finn. 

"Albert, what the hell are you doing! You do not dare to bother innocent interns with your ramblings, do you?" 

Finn squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, pounding his fingers on the folder in front of him.

I was surprised by the rude tone of the man speaking and turned my head toward him. 

He was a man of Finn's age but more than a hand's breadth taller with strait dark hair and a tiny beard beneath his under lip.

Irritated I frowned at him.   
"I don't think I feel bothered, thank you...?" 

"Holger!" he added and stretched out his hand "You are our new intern, right?" 

"I'm Vanessa, yes!" I said and took his hand hesitant. 

"Welcome!" he said. "This is Erik!"  

The other man, tall as well but bald and pretty skinny also shook my hand.   
"We are two of the architects and I see you already know Albert here! He's an architect, too in case you wondered - he's not a speaking torture machine!"    
Erik laughed his ass off about his own joke. 

"Ha ha!" I said.  
This guy seemed to be some kind of an asshole! 

"Why do you call him Albert?" I asked annoyed "I'm very sure that's not his name!" 

"Don't!" Finn touched my forearm "This will lead to nothing!" he murmured, handed me the folder and simply disappeared. 

"Don't worry!" Holger said affably "He's a strange guy! Not much sense of humor..." 

"It was no funny statement anyway!" I replied. 

"You will understand when he is giving you one of his beloved lectures for the first time" Erik said and clapped my arm.  
"He has his name for a reason, you know!"  

Holger gave me a wink and pointed with his thumb over his shoulder  "Work to do! Feel welcome here!" he smirked and they both left for their office. 

I was not so sure how welcome I felt anymore!   

 

I badly wanted to talk to Finn about the show these two put up but I barely had a chance for I was asked to join Carl, who was working on 3D images of some window designs one of the architects had developed. Finn seemed to be sucked up by his little office, though.

Suddenly one of the computer programs Carl was using died.   
Well, that was something I could help with!  I tried to explain him where to go in the system to search for the cause but he seemed to get more confused the more I talked.   
"Phew... seems I'm as good in giving lectures as you guys love to blame Finn for!" I interrupted myself with a slight amount of sarcasm as this was playing my mind all the time.    
"Wait, could you hand me the keyboard? I think it would be faster if I did it myself!"  I then asked in a more friendly tone. 

Carl promptly pulled the keyboard over to me. 

"You're referring of people calling him Albert Einstein, don't you?" Carl asked while I was checking out the task manager.   
"I kinda think this joke reached it's limit a long time ago but somehow this name has become to have a life of its own and he never complains about it, so..." 

I liked Carl. He was not that kind of guy who would hurt someone on purpose. 

"Yeah, maybe he got used to that name - although I have some doubts about it! I know him in private, you know and I guess he would...huh ...   
What I don't get is why everybody is teasing him about his way of giving speeches!" I changed the direction of my thoughts.   
"If you can't stand him talking any longer you could easily beg him to come to an end in a friendly way! I mean I would do! And I'm sure he would be thankful...he doesn't like to be annoying either, you know?" 

I had fixed the program and gave the keyboard back to Carl. 

"Thank you!" he smiled "I guess your skills will be very useful in this office!   
... you have a point there - with Finn I mean! I don't talk too much with him anyway but if it comes to that again I'll try that...  
Though I don't think it will change a lot!" 

"Ok... why are you thinking that?!" I asked skeptically. 

Carl hesitated a moment before he continued.   
"I don't like spoiling newbies with gossip... but I think you will find out by yourself anyway!    
There are some co-workers here who like to think of themselves as the entertainment posse... sort of!" 

"You're talking of Holger and Erik?" I guessed. 

"I see you already met them!"   
He opened a new file and started editing. 

"That's it?"  

"It's not like everybody would think they are funny or so... but in a team you always have a certain dynamic!    
Don't worry, You'll find your place during your time here. All in all we are a bunch of nice guys!" 

I eagerly wanted to discuss this further but Carl didn't seem to be keen of it and kind of  forced me back into working.  
Which was a good thing- after all I was here to learn, not to improve Finn's social life!    
I badly needed to get used to this setting of priorities...   

 

At lunchtime Anna picked me up for the cafeteria.   
It was a large location in the basement where employees of all companies in this building ate.  It was filled but not crowded so it didn’t take too long to stand in line for our meals.  

"You will need your key card!” Anna explained to me. “You draw it through this scanner here and then you can choose your meal and it will be charged with CA”   
The food looked pretty good. I picked a baked potato and a salad and Anna led us to a bigger table where some co-workers sat.

Mette was one of them, the others I didn’t know.  
They all were graphics designers – Laura, Gregor and Rama  - nice people who welcomed me nicely. 

I had hardly taken seat when I spotted Finn who just had left the counter, a plate in one hand, busy on his phone with the other.

"Finn!” I called at him and he looked up, searching for where my voice had come from.    
When he recognized me he sent a little smile. I laid my hand on the backrest of the empty chair next to me to invite him. He shook his head and made a defending face.  When I raised my arms to show him that I didn’t understand what kept him. he came nearer to talk to me. 

"Hei! Good you found yourself some company!" 

"Why don't you come and sit with us?"  
I pushed the empty chair a few with my knee. 

"Yeah, join us!" Anna confirmed. "There are barely any seats left anyway!" 

"No, no, no! I'll find some space at the wall back there!" Finn fended off. 

"But why the heck should you? I'd like to chat with you! What about that?" I complained. 

"I just can't! Have some mails to write while I eat!" He lifted his phone like to prove it.   
"I'm sorry, Vanny..." with a regretful little smile he just turned and walked away. 

"He's somehow working constantly." Rama, a young guy from Bangladesh tried to explain to me "You'll get used to it- that's how he is..."  

 _You have no idea how he is!_ I knew he didn't mean it, but anyway... 

"Woah! I'm happy he didn't stay!" Mette stated. "Last time we ate at the same table I had to listen to stuff about brain functions! Oh my god...that was awful!" 

"Yeah you're right!" I replied understandingly "We really should choose a topic where everyone has something to contribute to!"  
That was mean, but she didn't even seem to recognize, she just nodded and nibbled her salad.  
Rama smirked silently and even Anna gave me a look that made me feel better. 

 

 

But I didn't liked how I felt about that day in a whole.   
Above all I missed Finn badly and I really wanted to spend some time with him, maybe if he was in an appropriate mood, ask him about this misery here.   
So I thought it was a good idea to wait for him at the lobby in front of the elevator when it was about time to go home. 

He appeared chatting with the female architect I hadn't met so far.  
Her name was Frieda as I knew and she was in her mid-forties, a very sober woman with short blonde hair.  
When I got to know her better later on I often imagined that she could be me in twenty years. 

"Hey, whatcha doing here?" he greeted me 

"Waiting for you, what did you think?" 

Frieda avoid a grin by pressing the bottom of the elevator.   
When it arrived I tried to follow her inside but Finn held me back and gave a short goodbye to her.  
When the door had closed he pulled me to the window and said in a lower voice :  
"Listen, I'm not too sure that you should do that! I mean us showing up together too often..." 

"But your colleagues already learned that we know each other privately!" I said skeptically. 

"I know..." he admitted "But maybe we should not arrive or leave together and such.   
People could start thinking we had a something going on..." 

"Wow! How awful!" it slipped out of my mouth. 

I could see him suppressing a laughter but his tone was very serious when he continued.   
"You don't have to make a joke out of everything! This is just something that is not allowed at CA!"  
He almost seem to be furious which awoke my resistance. 

The elevator returned and I stepped inside  
"So, come on! Don't let anybody spot us hanging out together! We should leave!"   
He made a frown and followed me. 

When the door had closed I pulled him around to face me.  "I know what you're doing and it won't work out!" 

"What am I doing?" 

"You try to keep me away from this thing some of your colleagues have with you here, don't you?"   
I didn't let him answer.   
"This is A - completely unnecessary because I'm not a child, you know!   
And B - if that means that we can't spend time together I will ignore it anyway!   
Have you recognized we haven't shared more than a few words for more than four days now? I got used to our conversations very much and I miss them!" 

He took a deep breath to reply but then hesitated and just said: "Yeah, I miss them, too!" 

The elevator opened for the entrance hall and I gestured him to get out. 

"My car is... "he started. 

"Forget about your car!" I demanded. "It's a hot day, we're going to have ice cream!  You'll go and buy some for me!"  
   
"Will I?" he asked and raised his eyebrows.  

"Yes, because you are the one who earns the money, so you will pay for me!" 

"Oh - I didn't know that it works like that!" he said. 

"Now you know! Chocolate, please!" 

For several seconds he stared at me in disbelief and then, like so many times before, he just shook his head and chuckled quietly to himself. 

"I knew I could do it!" I said happily. 

"What?" he asked, still giggling. 

"Put that smile back on your face!" 

"You never fail!"  

We crossed the hall and passed the revolving door.   
The heat outside hit us like a mace after the air-conditioned building. 

"So chocolate it is?" Finn asked. 

"Exactly! I'll wait on that bench over there!" I answered.   
I watched him crossing the street and getting into the _7 eleven_ and when he returned with two ice cream cones I had prepared myself to name a few things.     
He gave me my cone, sat down next to me, crossed his legs and laid back relaxed into the bench.    
I felt sorry for him to ruin this... 

"I learned so much about you today!" I said like incidentally. 

He didn't look my way and didn't answer. Not that I had expected him to do... 

"All your colleagues calling you Albert... I never thought you would like that!"   
I was prepared for a monologue, so I gave one.   
"Let me guess, you don't like it at all! Then I ask myself why you don't stop them!   
I found some of them to be really mean and teasing but others are very kind people who would never refuse to give you all the respect you could ask for!" 

He licked his ice cream a few times but then he said :   
"That's just because some of them are more polite than others! It wouldn't change the way they feel about me! They name me Einstein because I'm annoying people with boring long lectures. That's how I am  - I never managed it to change my way of talking so they will never change the way they feel about me! Period!" 

"But you deserve some respect, don't you think? You can't just let some of them tease you all the time! You have rights... as a person! You should make them stop! Or at least tell those who don't mean to be rude that you don't like your nickname!" 

"That would barely be worth the effort! I'm there to work, not to make friends!"   

A gust blow my hair and as I tried to tame it with both of my hands I spread some ice cream on my cheek.  
It made me giggle but Finn gazed at me for a moment then he frowned and said in a harsh tone:    
"You sometimes eat like a toddler! Can't you just clean yourself up?!"  

With a very annoyed gesture he handed me a pack of tissues. 

That was hurtful! He saw it immediately and apologized. 

"Wow, Vanny I'm sorry! Really I didn't meant to say that! It's just... can you leave it to that now? I really appreciate your worry but I would prefer not to discuss it, ok?" 

I threw the tissue into a waste bin and looked at him pondering.   
"We don't discuss it - but in return I expect you to not let me beg for your company!   
I will not hide away and I will not deny to be your friend!" 

"Ok, deal!" he said "We could have lunch together regularly, couldn't we?" 

"That would be lovely!"    
I finished my cone and stood up.   
"And now I'd love to discover how comfortable it is to sit in an Alfa Romeo!" 

"You mean I shall drive you home?" 

"Exactly!" I smirked.   


	3. The Presentation

So that‘s what became our new routine:    
meeting for lunch at the cafeteria and chatting about all and nothing but avoiding the behavior of his colleagues.   
Sometimes others like Anna or Carl came to join us but Finn fell silent every time and didn’t participate at any conversation, so after a few days we quietly decided to choose a table for two behind a pillar and barely anyone ever spotted us.   
I was happy about that. These 30 minutes every day were the replacement of our evenings in his garden, which now were no longer possible. 

Beside that I really enjoyed my internship. The architects and graphical designers were very attentive with interns getting their part.   Most of the time though I was asked to do boring stuff like making copies or opening and classifying the mail but three or four times a day someone was calling for me like- ‘Hey, Vanessa! Come take a look at that!’ or ‘Come over, you can listen to that, too!’ It was cool to watch them, to see how they developed their ideas and what a lot of steps had to be taken to finish a complete project. 

On third week's Thursday I got the chance to join my first presentation for a potential new client who happened to be the city of Oslo.

Finn told me about it at Wednesdays lunch break.   
Actually it was him who had developed the concept for a huge gym of a new high school, therefore he would hold the presentation.

"Tell me - how is it?" I asked him chewing my pasta. "Are you still nervous after eleven years of holding presentations?" 

I could immediately see his facial expression changing as if his stew had become all salty. 

"Nervous? No! You pretty fast get used to things like that! There is a certain plan those presentations follow... basics, calculations, creative adds, you find out what the client is fond of to hear and put your focus on that...no problem when you've done it a few times." 

"So if that's not your problem then what is it?" I asked into the blue. 

With an annoyed gesture he laid his fork down and gazed at a random spot on the neighboring table.  
"Can't you just leave that? That kind of questions?" he grumbled. 

"No!" I simply replied. "I think it's a good idea to stop you from keeping all kind of worries to yourself all the time!" 

He sighed "Why do you think I'm worried?" 

"Your face. Did you ever hear the phrase 'like an open book?' " I said with a sarcastically bright smile. 

With slightly pinched eyes he looked at me for several seconds. I was not sure if he was amused or angry and I guessed he didn't know either. 

"Ok, what do you think is bothering me?  You already know the problems I'm fighting with!  I never know how to keep things short or how to find words which do not let me sound like an encyclopedia! But it is my duty to lay down this misbehavior!" he explained awkwardly. "There's nothing you can do about that!" 

"Oh, I don't know, I think I can! I will be there - I could be like your secret assistant...   you could look at me from time to time and I'd give you a sign, if you should shorten or come to an end or something like that!" 

"Possibly I would not even remember looking at you when I talked myself into heat!"  he sighed. "But if you could... maybe..." 

"I could, maybe?" I repeated when I felt he would not continue. 

He picked up his fork again and started eating, surveying my face with a small grin.  I already knew he was breading a new thought and that I had to wait until he had explored all ups and downs.  
This guy...! 

"It's not nice, staring at people like this, you know!" I moaned. 

"Could we rehearse?" he finally asked. 

"Rehearse? You mean the presentation?" 

"Yes! I just thought  there should be more about having a friend beside getting forced to share everything! You could listen to my performance and give me a feedback how nerdish I really am!   
...and then I thought it will be nice that for once there will be somebody in this room who's not waiting for me to fail!"  
The way his eyes were locked into mine telling this made me almost forget that I should give an answer.    
  
When I suddenly remembered I cleared my throat and said in a very polite and noble tone: "I think I could do that!" 

As an answer he just raised one eyebrow.    
And then we fished our meals quietly smiling to our self. 

 

After work we drove home to Sandvika and did what he asked me for.   
To me he was charming, professional and convincing.  
I told him to cut off a certain part towards the end and replace 3 terms even I was not able to understand.  After that we felt perfectly prepared. We! - as if I would have had any part in this!   
Well, we were connected, that was what counted! 

 

Tore was a bit annoyed when I came over late to sleep in the guest room. 

"What are you doing with this guy again anyway? Was he asking you to work in the evening? You're just an intern, damn it! Don't let them exploit you!" 

I turned away and flipped a finger on him while walking up the stairs. 

"Don't be such a moron! I think she has a crush on him!" I heard Christina teasing him. 

"What???" Tore squeaked. "This guy is far to old for her!" 

I turned and went down again.   
"Listen to your wife, Tore! You are a moron!   
There's no point in people being of different ages. Finn is not only a very interesting and pleasant person, he is the best friend I had in ages! Beside that he is your neighbor and you should really get your ass moved to get to know him. That would only be polite!   
  
Oh- and shave that beard off, you're looking ridiculous!" 

With that I stepped up the stairs, head raised high and feeling like a hero. 

"She's right!" Christine said down in the kitchen 

"With what?!" 

"Everything. Including the beard!" 

God - I loved my family!   

 

The next morning Finn picked me up to work; a very cozy situation, which let me wish it could be like that every day.    
As Finn still found it suitable, I left the car before he drove into the car park, so we won't show of together. 

The presentation was set at 10.00.    
The city council was represented by an older man in glasses and a blond woman in her forties.  
As it was customary Carlsen and all four of the other architects were present, as well as Laura being Finn's assisting graphic designer during this project and Mette who was supposed to maintain records.  
I was placed next to Mette at the big oval table and Carlsen even introduced me to the clients. 

I felt quite exited although I had nothing to do but listen.    
But it was an exhilarating situation anyway to witness if Carlsen Ark would get the acceptance for that project.   
And of course I was strained for Finn mastering his presentation.  

After the introductions were finished he was searching for my face, sent me a tiny smile, invisible for the others, straitened his back and started right away.   
He was doing great! I was busy observing all the faces around me and I saw an interested, attentive expression on the client's faces, Carlsen seemed to be pleased, Laura tensed, Ben and Frieda acting professional and as always when Finn was talking, Holger and Erik were showing an annoyed face. 

Half way through the presentation Finn had prepared to introduce an amazing colour concept including the design of the walls as well as the glass of the huge windows and the artificial light.  

While he was showing some exemplary pictures on his power point  and I thought everyone was enjoying the impressions of this concept, the entire room all quiet, we suddenly all could hear Holger murmuring  
"Oh my god, now Einstein has become Picasso!"  

Bastard! 

Erik chuckled silently into his hand and when I gazed across the table I could even see Ben and Laura suppressing a grin.  
Mette next to me couldn't stop herself from giggling hysterically.  
I squeezed my eyes shut to calm down and not punch her stupid face! 

Carlsen sounded a short cough and said:" Could you please continue Mr. Weber?" 

Almost startled I looked at Finn again.   
His face was all tense, his lips pale.   
He inhaled heavily and wiped his obviously sweaty hands over his pants. 

"Now, as I said before this c.co...co...concept has been de...de... " he started with an unmistakable stutter.    
"Excuse me!" he gasped then, running his hands nervously through his hair, trying hard to concentrate on his speech.  

"Oh well, here we go again!" Erik whispered a bit too loud. 

"It has been de..de..vel...developed and i...improved by an It...It..." - Finn cleared his throat loud and hard-  
"...by an Italian design group!" 

I was shocked!    
I had not the slightest idea that he was struggling with this speech defect!   
My heart cramped in my chest to see him like that. 

He was now fighting his way through the presentation, doing part times better, sometimes worse.    
None of his nice colleagues was doing anything to make it easier for him in any way!   
Who was not  more or less quietly giggling at him was at least showing an annoyed frown. 

I had a really hard time enduring to see him like this.  
My hands were clamped around the armrests of my chair to keep me from whether running to Finn to hug and comfort him or beating the shit out of these blockheads!  
All my tries to make eye contact to Finn failed, he never even looked in my direction.  
Instead of I could observe how his tension was growing through out the rest of this.  
His hands were squeezing a marker so hard it almost broke and dark stains of sweat were shown up on his back.  
To be honest I almost felt like crying. 

When this farce was over Finn immediately left the room without talking or looking at anybody, including me. 

We all stood up but I was unsure if there was something expected of me to do or if I could run and look after Finn.    
Carlsen was shaking hands with the two representatives of the city council.  They were both showing a friendly face and thanking him for the performance. 

"I'm sorry that this wasn't as smooth as it was planned to be!  It's a shame one is never in full control of one's employees!"Carlsen apologized obsequiously. 

"Don't worry, Mr. Carlsen I know but too well that there's always a rotten apple in the basket! It's the same at our office!" the grey haired man answered.   
By the way he was saying that I could tell he was talking about Holger! I felt relieved.   
"But regardless - this is a brilliant concept. So, thank you again!" 

"I know" Carlsen replied smiling, "that's why I keep him!" 

I stared at him in disbelieve. Did he actually said that?!  
Mr. Carlsen, you are a bugger!  

I turned around and left the room before I accidentally would speak my mind.   
I wished I had the nerve to tell all of them how incredibly rude and hurtful their behavior were, but I was not brave enough to do so, I probably would never be!  And I felt so bad about it because I knew not to speak up against mobbing was supporting it!   
At least I hoped I would be able to help Finn. 

I found him at the break room where he was standing at the kitchenette holding a bottle of water without opening it. 

"Hei!" I whispered when I stepped in "Everything ok?" 

"Nothing is ok!" he laughed rough. "First of all you were never supposed to see me like that!" 

"In which you succeeded pretty well so far! I had no idea that you have these speech troubles!" 

"Yeah." he said, rested his head against the upper cupboard and paused for a moment.   
"I struggled with that as a kid but I got rid of it. It returned a few years ago when things became unpleasant here for me." 

"But it never happens when we are talking." I stated. 

A tiny smile appeared at the corner of his mouth for a second.  "That's because you are not scaring me!"  

"Does that mean your colleagues are scaring you?!" I asked shocked. 

"Pah!" he snorted "No! It's the situation that is scaring me out!   
I know I have to keep calm to avoid an escalation but knowing that makes me so tense, that the tiniest interruption brings out this embarrassing handicap again! Once happened my diaphragm gets so cramped I can hardly breath.  
But I know people are annoyed when I stutter, so get furious and try even harder, get more tensed up...!   
I guess you see what I mean!" 

"Yeah, I see!" I sighed "And it makes me furious, too to hear them talk shit like that!" I added. 

"Huh! I'm not furious at them! They are just idiots! I am furious at myself! I'm a grown man, I should be able to handle this! I mean I had this therapy when I was twelve, I learned techniques to switch of stuttering - I can't even remember them when it comes to that now!" 

I saw his hands squeezing the neck of the bottle so hard that the knuckles turned white.   
Caught by a sudden wave of tenderness I laid my hand on his fingers and pressed them gently. 

He looked down when he felt my touch. 

"Seriously, I'm supposed to be a fucking genius but I'm not even capable to speak properly!"

Violently he pulled his hands away so the water bottle fell down on the floor and then he rushed out. 

 

I had no idea where he went.  
I couldn't spot him at the office anymore and he didn't show up in the cafeteria at lunch time. 

When my time was finished at 17.00 I went down to the car park to check out if his Alfa was gone.  
It was still there.  
So I decided to wait for him. 

After about fifteen minutes he appeared with a big paper bag from Mc Donalds in his hand.  

"Hey!" I called out to him "Where have you been?" 

"I was hiding from you, you little pest!" he replied but this hint of a smile on his face was telling me that he was not too serious about that.   
"I missed lunch because of that, so if you'd allow..."

He passed me, holding up the paper bag and opened the car. 

I opened the passengers door and placed my self into the seat. 

"So now that this hide and seek has come to an end - how are you doing?" 

He opened the bag, took out two cheese burgers, threw one into my lap, unwrapped the other and took a big bite. 

"I'm eating!" he mumbled, chewing. 

"Woah, Finn!" I called out exasperated. 

With two more bites he finished his burger and grabbed a new one.  
"Hey girl, don't be upset! It's better to avoid being near you when I am in such a mood!  
You'd probably catch some hurtful comments or witness me kicking innocent furniture or something like that...   
I am doing much better when I'm alone then!' 

"Ok, I respect that!" I nodded, playing with my still wrapped burger.  
"But I think you could develop more tolerance towards your own weaknesses in general!  
Even you don't have to be perfect, you know?" 

"But I have so much more potential than others, it's just not acceptable to not using it fully!" 

"Is that what your parents told you?" 

"It's what logic is telling you!" 

"And your parents!" 

He chuckled gazing out the front window. "You little...!    
I do have the potential to be almost everything I wish to be and look how I ended up in the middle of my life!  
I scared off my family , my job is some kind of catastrophe, I have no friends..." 

"You have me!" I threw in. 

He turned in his seat to look at me. 

"Yeah, I have!" he admitted, letting his gaze run over my face for a moment. 

"Do you want that burger? I'm still hungry!" he then asked. 

I lifted it wordlessly and he took with both of his hands, stroking my fingers slightly grabbing it. 

"Thank you!" he said quietly "...for the burger and everything!" 

I held my breath when he touched me, my heartbeat pumping in my ears made me unable to decide if I should react in any way 

...but when he started to eat the burger it became pretty clear to me that he would not kiss me or get more intimate in any other way.  

So I cleared my throat and picked up a point he made before. 

"You should not be stacked so low with the things you reached in life! Don't you like being an architect?" 

"I once loved it! Every project I worked on - from the first sketches to standing in front of the finished building!  
But it's getting harder now every year...it's like it's blocking your brain when you have to control every word that comes out your mouth to not catch unappreciated comments all the time  
...and that fucking stuttering!!" He hit the steering wheel. 

"You don't have to allow them to treat you like that! There is a name for that - it's called mobbing, you know!  
You should talk to Carlsen about it!"    
I had a bad feeling suggesting that when I thought of the way Carlsen had apologized for Finn's presentation. 

"No! I will not complain! Whining like a baby!"  

"This is not about complaining - you have rights as I told you before! Anna said you are very successful with your designs, you're the one  who brings in the most assignments for Carlsen Ark! They should be thankful to have you and support you in any way, damn it!"

"They do! They pay me lots of money!" he stated 

"Ouh! That's what defines your worth, doesn't it?    
You should really start to think of capacity in less countable terms!    
I was like this with my grades when my mother was still alive. My whole life was about to be an A student because she was afraid what would become of me when she would be gone!    
I felt so much better when I found out I don't need to be the best all the time and how much more I got from being with horses, getting in connection with one of these amazing creatures!  
This is worth everything, although you can't count it - like money!" 

"Uh-hm... and I bet your mom would be relieved to see what has become of your academic career!" he mumbled, wiping his mouth with a tissue.  

That made me mute for a moment. 

"God...shit!" I whispered.    
"I... I'm still working on that, right?    
You should not ignore me just because I sound like a wise ass!"  

He started to laugh. 

"I'm the fucking best when it comes to point out the big conclusions of life!!    
That doesn't mean I listen to my own advices, though! But do you want to know about life? Just ask me, I know everything!"  

"I appreciate your wisdom, I really do!"  
He calmed down his laughing and looked at me with a serious affection in his eyes.    
"And you have a point with most of the things you're saying, regardless the fact that you're getting on my nerves like hell!" 

"It's not a party being your friend also, you know?" I smiled. "You're hiding away so much!" 

"Ok, time for some payback - may I drive you home?" 

"That would be nice!" I answered, 

 

"Speaking of a party..." I added when he started the motor  
"Tore and Christina are having a BBQ on Saturday. I was told to invite you!"

At least Tore have had decided to listen to me when he had woken up this morning... 

Finn let out a growl, probably thinking of how to escape this invitation. 

"No, no, no! Don't even think about it!" I called "It's about time I'm gonna teach you how to have fun!" 

"I have fun! Often!" 

"But all on your own! That doesn't count!" 

"Now it happens again!" 

"What?" I asked 

"You're getting on my nerves!" he answered with a grin. 

We left the car park and he threaded the Alfa into the traffic.  
   
"But I'm looking forward for you to teach me how to have fun!" he stated and hit the gas. 


	4. BBQ

Saturday noon I went over to Sandvika to help my folks with their preparation for the barbecue.

To be honest I thought about hanging out a bit and maybe hopping over to Finn's, spending some time with him but Tore decided that I should actually help him bringing up the beer benches from the basement. And of course they needed to be cleaned up!   
Well, better them than the grill that looked as if it should be removed as toxic waste! But that was Tore's problem!

After I had arranged tables and benches perfectly I went inside to look after Christina. She was stuck into the preparations of almost a million different dishes - salads and dips and desserts...  
Nevertheless she asked me to make a bowl of rice salad. I was no friend of cooking and my skill was corresponding but this rice salad was something mum taught me to prepare so I agreed.

"Are you sure there needs to be even more food anyway?" I asked dubiously before I started. "How many people are you expecting?"

"I always worry we could run out of food!" Christina answered strained "There is nothing I can imagine to be more embarrassing than guests leaving hungry or dissatisfied in any other way!"

"I think you can relax now! There's enough food to feed the whole town!" I laughed "So how many of Oslo's inhabitants will appear here?"

"I had a list..."

Christina lifted a few plates and bowls to search for the list and finally pulled out a greasy sheet of paper with about 15 names on it. She placed it on the desk I was working at and I took a look at it.  
I knew almost everyone and was really looking forward to meet some of them again after a long time.  
One name caught my attention in particular.

"Oh, I see Bjørn is coming? That's brilliant!"

Bjørn was one of Tore's mates from high school.  
The cool thing about him was that he was a professional musician who currently played in two different bands! He was known for bringing his guitar to events like this one and entertaining people with playing and singing.

"Yeah, it will be cool to have him playing some songs... but what makes you so excited about it?"

Christina had always been a sharp observer.

"Ah, you know...it's about Finn!" I said hesitant. "He is also an amazing musician. And a fucking incredible singer - you should hear him! But he's kinda introvert when it comes to his music and that simply is a shame! Maybe if Bjørn plays tonight I can make him play some songs, too! I know he would enjoy it if he'd only found the guts to play!"

"You really like this guy, don't you?" She gazed at me thoughtfully.

"It's like I told your husband the other day... he is a great friend and so fun to be with!"

"And you're keen on him!"

"I'm _not_ keen on him!" I protested hotly.

"Oh, I see... it's more!"

I snorted defensively.

"That bad?" Christina asked quietly.

"Awfully bad!"

I left the tomatoes I was cutting to themselves and hugged her. She was not mum but I was glad to have her. Even I needed someone female to talk to from time to time.

"Now I'm really curious to find out what he is about!" she laughed and rubbed my back.  


I would show her.  


 

When the evening came Tore prepared the barbecue and soon the whole garden smelled of smoking wood and grilled meat.  
It lured Finn after a while when a hand full of guests already had arrived.  
He came on his usual way through the garden and I caught him directly at the fence and took my chance to lay my arm around his back and lead him to Christina.

"So, dear - this is your new neighbour Finn Weber!" I introduced him to her.

"I know, we already saw each other on the street!"

Finn nodded to that.

"Nice to have you here, Finn! My name is Christina!" she added and shook his hand.

"Thank you for your invitation! This is all I was able to bring as a favour, I'm afraid."

He lifted a bottle of his expensive wine he had brought with him.  
Christina thanked him and put it on the table with the other drinks.  


Finn searched for my face and I could see how uncomfortable he felt among the people he didn't know.  
It didn't go any better when I introduced him.  
I could not blame him, I would've felt the same within an unfamiliar group.  


Christina saved the situation by serving him a big plate that almost flowed over from all kinds of delights.  
  
I loved watching him eat!  
He scooped everything greedily but still delightfully into his mouth. I could bet he had forgotten to eat lunch again...

I got myself some salad and a steak as well and joined him.

My sweet sister-in-law stood nearby and watched us with open curiosity.  
I grimaced at her but I could not deny that I was somehow proud to be there with him.  
The beginning summer had made him wonderfully tanned which matched nicely with this wide-cut white t-shirt he wore.  
He had skipped shaving again today and his shiny black curls were fluffy and wild.  
I could not tell if he was more attractive either that way or in business-mode but now he sure was more sexy!  
As I thought about it one could hardly believe that there wasn't a constant court of women fighting for his attention... _thank god!_  
It for sure had to do with that bad attitude he had about himself. If he would have been a proud, self-confident man he probably would have been a rock star for real!

  
When we had finished eating I found out that Bjørn had arrived in the meantime.  
I was as excited as having to pass an exam in finding company for Finn. How could I make contact between them?  
I decided to go the direct way, so I waited until Bjørn sat down with a full plate at our table.

"Hei Bjørn! Long time since you've been here!"

"Yeah! Almost a year! How you're doing, Vanessa?"

"Great! I'm about to study architecture meanwhile! And I saw you're doing fine, too? Found a video on You tube of a concert from last month!" I smiled widely.

He nodded while chewing "There...there will be another one next week in Tromsø!"

"Cool! This is Bjørn- Bjørn is a guitarist for _Leeway_ ! Have you heard of them?" I asked Finn.

"I have!" he answered "You had a self-produced online album in 2013, if I remember right?"

_As if he was able to be wrong!_

"This is a friend of mine...Finn!" I explained to Bjørn, who raised his eyebrows in astonishment over Finn's knowledge.  
"He is also a musician, you know?"

"Yeah, but not a pro, though!" Finn played it down.

By the way he was grinning I could tell two things - he knew what I was trying to do and he was pleased to meet Bjørn!  
My plan worked out!  
Soon they were hooked in an animated conversation which one or two others joined as well and I sat back and warmed my heart by watching him being relaxed and having fun with other people.  


  
As the evening went on it of course happened that Bjørn was asked to play some songs.  
So he took out his guitar and placed himself into a more central position.  


"Hey Mister! Why don't you join him? I'd go get your guitar!" I dared to tease Finn directly.

"Naah!" he fended off "Keep me out of this!"

"Come on! I wanna hear you play! Vanessa told me you're a star...you have to prove it now!" Christina supported me, which I appreciated very much.

Finn gave me an angry look but as now others were begging him too and Bjørn said he would be pleased to get some support, he finally agreed.

"Yeah - ok, ok! Go and get me a guitar for god's sake!"he moaned and shooed me with both hands towards his property.  
"...the one you're learning at!" he added when I climbed over the fence.  
  
I saluted him eagerly and ran to get it.  
  


When I returned both men started a little concert-on-demand.  
  
First Finn was only playing the guitar but soon I requested songs I knew he loved to sing and that actually made him perform himself.

He had fun singing and joyfully played with his power-rock-star-voice on the more rocking parts like for example Steven Tyler or Axl Rose would have done it.  
It made an impression on all listeners as I could see and again I felt proud as if he was mine!

Eventually someone asked Bjørn to play a _Leeway_ song.

"Damn, I will fuck it up!" he mumbled while trying out a few chords. "Our lead singer has a much higher voice than me and I always mess up the lyrics because I'm usually doing the backing vocals!"

"It's ok! Just play something different then!" Tore gave in.

"I know exactly what you're talking about!" Finn threw in "It's so bloody confusing when you suddenly have to play a different role than you usually have in your band!"

"Do you play in a band, too?" Bjørn asked him.

"Nah, not anymore! We had a band back at university but since then I'm only playing for myself... it's like a hobby, writing songs and making edits of tunes I love!"

"You're writing songs?" someone asked "Come on! Why don't you show us some!"

Finn again was about to deny but Bjørn suggested: "Ok, why don't we're doing it that way - I'll play that _Leeway_ song I was asked for and you're playing some of your stuff! Are you in?"

Finn was enjoying all of this far too much to sincerely refuse.  
  
  
I helped him to decide which songs to choose. We were going for two older tunes, a rock song and a blues influenced ballad I loved as well as an instrumental tune he had written just recently.

Bjørn as a pro was obviously impressed how complex but still catchy his songs were, so it was not only me, who considered them to be good!  
It was such a joy to see how comfortable Finn was with this role he was playing that evening!  
  


We all had fun, we had lots of food, we had wonderful music to sing along to (but most of us only remembering the chorus of the songs, though!), I myself even had a beer which made me a little dizzy but that somehow was part of the game.

 

  
When the sun was finally gone completely it became chilly and a guest after guest was leaving the party.

Before Bjørn left I heard him telling Finn how much he enjoyed the songs Finn had written

"It's such a waste to keep them all to yourself! Seriously, man - if you don't have the time to play them yourself in public like you told me then you should contemplate to sell them to a studio! They are fucking gold, buddy!"

He clapped his shoulder and said goodbye, leaving a smiling but doubtfully frowning Finn.  
I went over and locked elbows with him.

"Now you see that I was right, don't you? Even Bjørn thinks your songs should be played!"

"Yeaaaaaah!" he moaned with a faked despair to hide how embarrassed he was again.

"Come on!" I called and pushed him slightly with my shoulder "You'll gonna promise me that you will try to sell at least one of your songs and see what you'll get as a response!"

"We'll see..." he he answered hesitantly.

"Nooo! Promise me! Do it! Do it!" I repeated, pushing him with my shoulder constantly 'til he nodded.

  
Christina interrupted us when she came to ask Finn if he'd like to take some leftovers home.  


"Wow, what a surprise!" I teased her "We had too much food? I can't believe it!"

She stuck out her tongue on me and leaded Finn to the table to let him choose what he wanted to pick.  
He decided for a bowl of potato salad and some sausages.

"That's cool! Thank you, Christina! Now I don't have to worry about lunch tomorrow... or dinner!" he added looking at the size of the bowl. "All I have to figure out now is how I can take all of this along with my guitar over to my place!"

"Hey, look at this! Suddenly you grew out two more hands!" I joked, waving mine. "I'll take the food and you take care of your guitar!"  
  
"Oh, wow! You're an angel!" he quipped back in a passionate tone.  
  
I waited for him to tell my folks goodbye and then I grabbed the dishes and followed him to his garden.

  
  
  
When we had passed the beeches next to the fence it became clear how dark the night was.  
It was new moon and none of the lamps from our house could shed any light there.  
Insecurely I groped through the high grass and the overgrown bushes, barely able to see Finn in front of me.  
When suddenly I heard him mumble "Ouch! Damn it!" I knew he wasn't doing any better.  
  
Finally the big black mass of the house appeared in front of us.  
I heard Finn's feet hit the wooden steps of the veranda and then abruptly there was this massive thing in my way!  
  
I fell forward, trying to catch for a hold and the dishes crashed down!  
  


"Fuck!! Noooo! Please don't!" I lamented.

"What happened?" Finn asked hastily.

"I think I crashed into this fucking chair! I dropped the food!"

"Wait, I'll put on the light!"  


He opened the veranda door and switched on the lamp in the living room.  


"Are you ok? Did you hurt yourself?" he asked when he came out again.

"No, I don't think so! But all the food!" I whined and pulled the chair aside to have a better view on the mess.  
"Look at this!" I giggled. "I placed the salad perfectly!"

Indeed the bowl had come to rest in an upright position and stood there as if nothing had happened!

"Oh well, but the sausages!"  


With a dramatic sigh Finn grabbed an old bucket that stood in a corner of the veranda, sat down on the stairs and started to collect up his formerly lunch and the shards.

"I'm really sorry!" I said with a pity face and sat next to him to help.

"You really should be! How can a single person be so clumsy?! There's nothing in my fridge at all ... were you planning to kill me?"  
He tried hard to keep a straight face but not very successfully.

"Hey! Stop teasing me! ...You have the salad left anyway!" I grumbled, grabbed the bowl and placed it on the veranda behind us to save it.

"Ok, ok! You don't deserve this! You intended to make me have fun and you were doing great - I hadn't so much fun for years! And once again I'm truly grateful you're forcing me into things like that!  
Seriously... you're ...good for me; I suddenly feel less of a freak again!"

He straightened up from the bucket and smiled at me thankfully.  
  


He looked so adorable with his curls hanging in his eyes!  
For the very first time I felt brave enough to do what I wished for since the day I met him.

I lifted my hand and stroked the hair out of his face.

His curls were so thick and silky that I could not help but dig my fingers into them.  
He closed his eyes and leaned his head into my hand.

Everything within me was dragging me to kiss him, so I slid closer and drove my hand to his neck.  
He opened his eyes again and slightly pressed his hand against my chest.

"No..." he said softly "This will never happen!"  
  
  
I felt like a spear of ice had been pricked into my stomach.

I loosened my hand and pressed my fists against my lips to for gods sake not let out these tears of disappointment that crawled up my throat.

"Ok...I...why?" was all I wanted to know after I had hawked them away.

He put his hand on my knee and stroked it with his thumb in a helpless try to comfort me.

"God, Vanny! You are far too young and my separation is not more than a few month ago. This is nothing but a really bad idea!"

  
I sprang up, felt like running away and escape the situation but his explanation sounded so wrong to me that I just could not left it uncommented.  
  


"This ...this is such a bullshit!" I called.

For now it felt better to flee into anger to avoid the hurt.

"Just now you said I would be good for you! And you are for me as well and you know that!  
Are you trying to tell me you are not attracted to me? Don't you dare! - we both know better!"

  
"Oh please, please...don't be mad at me!"

He propped up his elbows on his knees, ran his fingers through his hair and lowered his gaze to the ground. I just hoped he was trying to find the right words to explain to me what this was about for real.  


He sighed deeply

"Aargh...I so suck with this!"

"You do...!" I murmured furious.

  
"Ok, I truly meant what I said!" he then started and looked up again.  
"You see... that exactly is the point here!  
I can't even remember the last time when there was someone who was so much of a friend to me like you are!  
You are... fuck!... you are somehow the only one who is left in my life at the moment and I really don't know where I would be today if we hadn't met!"

"Thank you!" I mumbled. "That's pretty much the same you are to me... the best friend I can imagine to have!"  


His words comforted me but still this feeling like if the world had ended did not go away...

  
"That is why I will take no risk to lose this!" he explained.

"But can't we have both?" I asked desperately.

"Now you feel like this is the most important thing to have - and believe me - it's not like I never thought about kissing you!"  
He rubbed his face with both of his hands as if he was trying to make the memory of that go away.  
"But what will be when the first excitement is over, when it won't be new anymore?  
No...! When it comes to romantic relationships it's all about hurting each others feelings all the time... we would ruin what we have!"  
  
  
"Bah! That's how you think about it because your marriage went down the gutter! That's not how relationships work in general!"  
I replied stubbornly "You're such a coward!"

I wrapped my arms around my chest and angrily kicked a stone into a bush.  
  
  
"Yeah, maybe...Are we still friends?" he asked carefully.  
  
  
I took a deep breath.  
He would not change his mind, I could see that looking at him.  


"Sure... Can we hug?" I asked insecurely.  


"Of course we can!" he answered promptly, stood up and came over to me.

We embraced warmly and I inhaled his scent, digging my nose into his hair, felt the warmth of his body.  
Was this all I would ever get?

The knot in my stomach weighed a ton.  


"See you on Monday, Vanny!" he murmured  
"Or maybe we can meet tomorrow, couldn't we? I would love to!"

"Yeah, that would be lovely!" I answered quietly.

He gently rubbed my back and then loosened the hug.

  
We said good night and parted.  
  
  
I cried a lot that night.


	5. Team Building Tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry...still not finished! But we're getting closer!

Monday afternoon at Carlsen Ark there was this monthly meeting of the whole staff, the first since I joined.

  
As if to compensate Finn had changed his behavior in the last two days. He now displayed our friendship openly. That for example meant that the day before we didn't stay at his garden like we usually had done but had gone for a walk and some coffee.  
Or that now at the meeting we were sitting next to each other, chatting and being private as long as it hadn't started.  
When Carlsen entered the room he turned on the projector right away and then waited for our attention.

  
"Ok, ladies and gentlemen!" he started. "Today we have one main topic! As you probably remember this Friday we all have an important date!"  
  
After a few seconds of confusion several moans and mumbled comments could be heard. Some of the colleagues looked quite frustrated, others had a grin on their faces. I had no idea what he was talking about and glimpsed over to Finn, who made sort of a resigned frown and just pointed at Carlsen to make me wait for his further explanation.  
  
"I see you're looking forward to it! Of course I am talking about the team building tour that I announced to you two months ago! We haven’t had that in more than three years now and I think it's about time to work on our relationships since I’ve recognized some tension here lately! So this year..." he opened a picture file on the screen"...we will have this!"  
  
He presented a bunch of photos of people climbing on a high ropes course!  
  
Most people of the team seemed to be pleased about it. An excited humming rose, some of them even applauded. I was not so thrilled about the chance to hang on a belt in the height of several meters.  
  
"Hey - could be worse!" Finn stated and patted my forearm. "At least it will be outdoors and we probably won't have to talk too much! ...You don't look too happy, though!" he recognized by gazing at my face.  
  
"I suffer from acrophobia... slightly! I do not panic or anything but to be honest I pee my pants just looking at those pictures!"  
  
"I'm sure you don't have to join if you don't want to! Eventually you are just an intern ... in the best sense! And I know Anna will not be in on that, either! She has some health problems and never joins any sporting activities."  
  
That sounded tempting but I hesitated when looking at Finn. He had already made me come out of my shell and taken risks on so many occasions!  
  
"Ha! Don't even think about it!" I grinned at him "You're doing it - I'm doing it, too! It can be nothing less than a salutary experience!"  
  
"Wohoo! I'm proud of you!" he smirked. "It's completely safe anyway...I did it some years ago and I..."  
  
He had to stop because Carlsen wanted to continue with his introductions.  
It was good that Finn was proud of me, because I was proud of myself, too!  
I just hoped I would not regret it!

 

The meeting was all about the team building tour and when it was over we both strolled over to his office.  
I loved our new openness - to me it was like an upgrade to be friend with him, regardless of what others there thought! And if he presumed I would ever stop trying to become more than friends he was terribly wrong!  
I had assured myself of that after the first disappointment. For now we were of course discussing the details of the upcoming Friday.

  
"I'm really surprised that it actually is supposed to last the whole day!" I admitted when we reached the door of the office.  
  
"Oh, Carlsen inserts a lot of money into those team building events! As I understood it, the main thing will be over at 17.00 but then we're going to have dinner and drinks together and such. No one must join this part but its kinda frowned upon to leave early!"  
  
"So are we doing Carlsen this favor and stay the whole time?"  
  
"Obviously we're up to a 'we' state now, aren't we?" Finn asked in an amused tone.  
  
"Uh! Sorry if you don't like it! I don't want to force you into something you don't...."  
  
"No, no, no! That's not what I wanted to say! I just noticed you keep saying it!" he smiled with a little wink.  
  
"Ok," I gazed at him challengingly "So are WE going to stay the evening or...gaaah! Here comes the fun!" I interrupted myself when I saw Holger and Erik walking towards us...  


"Hey, Albert!" Holger called happily "Have you seen this list of the teams they put together for the tour?"  
  
Finn refused to react on his words and kept his gaze on me like he had not heard him. Holger placed himself next to me and started anew.  
  
"Carlsen decided that we architects will build a team of our own! He thinks we should work on our _communication_!" One could hear the quotation marks on the last word...  
  
"Albert! I'm talking to you!" he bitched when Finn did not answer. "Is there something wrong with your ears?"  
  
"No!" Finn answered strained while gazing at an imaginary point somewhere over Holgers left shoulder. "But that's not my name!"  
  
"What? What are you even talking about?!"  
  
"I said that this is not my name! My name is Finn! And I would prefer you to remember that! Maybe this is something for you to work at on Friday - remembering your colleagues names!" he hissed through his teeth and with that he disappeared into his office and kind of slammed the door into Holger’s face!  
  
Not too hard, though, because it was a glass door.  
  
I didn't stay to wait for their reaction, I didn't want to ruin this feeling of a victory! Obviously _we_ had a brave day today!  
  
  
  
  


I was not too sure how I felt about this team building thing!  
First of all it was something interesting to experience - maybe not the climbing but how those events worked. And I should take it as a good sign, that Carlsen actually cared about the social climate in his company, although he could easily intervene much more in everyday situations. I had my doubts that this one day would help clearing the situation very much...but who knew!

 

On Friday we had to meet up at 10.00 at the high ropes course terrain, that was settled somewhere north of Oslo. Because it would have been too much of a detour for Finn to pick me up I had to go there by bus, which was a wearing tour for me and for the first time in my career as an intern I was late.

The courses were build up in some kind of woods, the bridges leading from treetop to treetop in different heights and grades of difficulties. I found my colleagues gathered together at a Rally Point sitting in a circle on logs as improvised benches, listening to an instructor.

I mumbled an apology and squeezed myself between Gregor and Mette where some space was left.  
Finn sat opposite me and raised his eyebrows when I looked at him. He faked gazing at his watch to complain on me being late. I just helplessly shook my head and smiled. Thankfully he smiled back, so he was not mad at me.  
_Gosh! He shouldn't be anyway! It was not like it happened all the time!_

The instructor told us that we would not climb the trees right away but have a couple of trust building games and such first.  
Oh well, not really my thing! Mette was whining constantly that everything would be so very embarrassing and I had to admit that I was with her on that. But on the other hand her complaints made it easier for me to handle it because I wished to be the one being cooler than her and mastering all the tasks without batting an eye.

 

Since we were switching groups every once in a while I came to spend some minutes with Finn later. No time for more than just a few private words but I had to press my palms against his back to support him standing on a log. When he was done I let my hands slide down over his buttocks...like accidentally, very quick but I was sure he understood my intention because he had a little grin on his lips when he turned back.  
  
"So you're enjoying yourself, aren’t you?" he asked me, amused.  
  
"Yeah, well, as much as you can enjoy these things!" I answered. "You feel kinda stupid but hopefully it does something to clear the air between some people here!"  
  
"Come on, you're not talking about me now, are you? I don't intend to waste any time with those idiots! We're going to share a group at the high ropes later anyway!"  
  
He went a few meters away to put his slicker back on.  
It was a warm day but the sky was all cloudy and a slight drizzle was coming down every once in a while.  
  
"And I'm not too sure if we're going to climb at all...if everything is wet and slippery they won't let us do it!" he added, closing the zipper.  
  
"Oh, don't be like that! I am so proud of you that you started to oppose their attacks!"  
  
His outburst on Monday had caused some kind of cold war between him, Holger and Erik instead of him just swallowing all their shit.  
  
“You all should act like adults now and try to maybe find some kind of agreement how to treat each other from now on!"  
  
"Yes, ma'am! Of course ma'am! I'll act like an adult if you say so!" he answered annoyed and turned to follow the other members of our group to the next station.  
  
I grabbed his arm "Don't make fun of my wisdom again!" I joked " Here is a chance and you're gonna take it! You're better than them!"  
  
He pulled his arm free and slightly slapped the back of my head "You're so fucking annoying!" he hissed and continued his way.  
  
I knew he was not mad - just not willing to admit that I was right.  
  
"I'm gonna tell Carlsen that you hit me!" I yelled after him.  
  
He turned back while walking and gave me a mischievous grin.  
"Who's the child now?" he called and shook his head.

  
I had some hope that he would at least try to be open for a change.

 

 

  
At 13.00 we had a lunch break.

  
After that we got our admission how to climb those courses. First of all, we had to learn how to put on the harnesses which was sort of a challenge for me. I was glad to have Finn to help me who had done this before, otherwise I'd probably have strangled myself with the belts! We had a good laugh until we had managed to get my butt into them.

 

Then my fun-time was over. Not that it was too bad but first of all Finn now had to join a group with Holger, Erik and Ben and all my thinking went around how they would get along. Secondly, there was no turning back anymore from climbing five meters high and giving my life into the charge of two carabiners and some belts.

  
It was not as bad as I expected it to be; I had some trust into those belts that were supposed to hold me but I struggled big time with crossing the different bridges. I joined a group with Carlsen’s three assistants - Mette, Karla and Gjertrud - and had to admit that it was me who had the most difficulties!  
  
That was not the least because I was somewhat distracted by the fact that Finns group was climbing on a course next to us. I didn't even bother to be embarrassed over failing against Mette - all the time my eyes were torn to the other course like I could protect Finn from being attacked by Holger and Erik just by observing them sharply!  
  
I could see that Finn had some trouble reaching the security wire almost every time he was about to switch his carabiners because he was way shorter than the other three.  
He was doing pretty well, though, jumping up or using another wire for support- he was much sportier than me, that was for sure!  
We had three instructors, or coaches as they were called, walking on the ground beneath our courses who were supposed to help and support us with tips and advices. One of them, a guy named Hannes was walking by and recognized what Finn was struggling with.

  
"Hey, you guys! Your challenge here is not only to master this course but to do it together!" he called up.  
  
"Do you mean something in particular?" Ben asked back  
  
"For example if your collaborator is not tall enough to easily snap in the carabiner you can hang in on the wire to lower it!"  
  
Ben nodded and balanced around the platform they were standing on to do so.  
  
"Yeah, that's cool!" Hannes agreed. "But it would have been much easier if your colleague in green would have done it!" He was pointing at Erik who made a frown when he was criticized indirectly.  
  
"And remember to wait for another to cross the bridges one by one! Otherwise it will be too shaky!" he added and went on.

 

"Excuse me, Miss! Is there a chance you will ever go on? Or are you waiting for an invitation?" Mette growled next to me.  
  
I mumbled an excuse and grabbed the next rope to pull myself up to those piles I had to walk on. I was happy that the coach had recognized that Erik and probably Holger too were not co-operating! So there was some hope that something would change. Hopefully for the better, because Erik had seemed to be pissed when he got a put-down!

  
Meanwhile my own team building didn't go too well either - Mette was annoyed about me being distracted all the time. She was even right but Karla and Gjertrud were still cheerful and I didn't feel like it was of importance to get along with Mette. In about two months I would be gone anyway! But I promised myself to concentrate more from then on!

  
Some minutes later we had to climb along an upright hanging net. That for once was a pretty easy thing to do so I took my chance to glimpse over to the other course again.

  
At this point the men had to pass a bridge where they had to walk over some slim piles hanging in a row without any support for their balance but the security wire over their heads they could touch if necessary. It would have scared me to death to walk there! Their course was way more difficult than ours, probably because they all were kind of experienced.

  
I watched Holger mastering it pretty well.  
  
Then it was Finn's turn.  
Again I almost forgot to climb on while observing him.  
He was struggling more than Holger was, right after a few steps he had to balance out heavily, waving his arms and making the pile swing.

  
My heartbeat raised instantly! The fact alone that we all were like five or six meters above ground was still freaking me out as hell! My hands got wet from nervousness and I had stopped climbing completely.

  
Finn got his poise back and stepped on.

  
Then I saw Erik who still stood on the base at the previous tree putting his foot on the piles and jerkily pushing them forward!  
Finn lost his balance and fell!

  
"Noo!" I yelled.

  
In shock I lost my grip, my left food slipped into one of the loops and the rest of me swung around it till I crashed backwards back into the net!

  
There I hung with my heart beating like a drum, feeling stupid!  
  
Of course nothing had happened to Finn! He had only fallen half a meter until the security belts stopped his fall and when I twisted my head from my awkward position I could see him easily gripping the belts and pulling himself up to the bridge again.  
  
...but now I was panicking about myself!  
  
I almost had reached the very end of the net before I fell and when I had turned my face to look after Finn, my head had come between the ropes of the net and the wire that was holding it. My leg was still trapped up to the knee and I was hanging with all of my weight in my security belts. I had not the slightest idea how to remove myself from this position!

  
"Oh god! Are you ok?" Gjertrud asked me from somewhere above me.  
  
"Nothing happened! I just don't know how to get up!"  
  
I was trying to free my leg desperately but not very successfully, though because the side of the net was pressing against my neck when I tried to lift up my head.

"Wait, I try to spread these ropes for you!" Karla said and climbed back on the net.

 

"What the heck are you doing there?" I heard Finn’s voice from behind me.  
  
I leaned my head back to gaze at him. He was still standing on the bridge, holding himself straight by using the security wire and was looking somehow between amused and worried... I couldn't tell exactly because my view was upside down.  
  
"Oh, don't know!" I answered "That's my special exercise!"  
  
"Do you need help?"  
  
He was concerned, I could hear that! I felt embarrassed - because of my dopy position and because I made him worry.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I could use some support here!" I replied giggling.  
  
"Just wait - I call one of the coaches!" Holger offered. I was close to telling him to fuck off but in my situation it would have been pretty stupid.  


So I waited for a coach to show up. Karla managed to spread the net and the wire wide enough that I could pull out my head. It was pretty narrow and I had to press the back of my head against the wire in order to get both of my ears free.

  
Then Hannes arrived. To my personal joy he laughed when he saw me!  
  
"Wow! That's new! No one ever managed before to stuck like that! Are you hurt?" he then asked.  
  
"No, I don't think so!"  
  
"What's your name?" he wanted to know  
  
"Vanessa!" I answered  
  
"Ok Vanessa, so now I'm telling you how to pull yourself up!" he called after he had taken some steps backward to have a better view on me.  
  
With my left hand I grabbed into the net and with my right hand I held the wire, trying to raise my upper body.  
  
"No, don't do that!" Hannes stopped me "You'll cut your fingers open if you slip! Wait for my instruction!"  
  
"Okay!" I apologized.  
  
"So now you grab your security belts with both of your hands - fingers around both of them so you won't squeeze the fingers! Then you put your right food in a loop and pull yourself up! Understood?"  
  
"Sure!" I replied and did like he said. But when I started to lift up I recognized that my hair was tangled into the wire and was holding me back.  
  
"Ouch!" I whined "My hair!"  
  
"Could you look after her?" Hannes asked Karla who still stood right above me.  
  
She nodded and came two more loops down to help me.  
"Damn! Here is a thimble or what ever it is called and your hair is completely convoluted in it!" she mumbled while she was trying to free me.  
  
"Sorry!" she called back to him "I can't do that!"  
  
"Wait, I'll come up to you!" Hannes said and went for the ascent.

 

"Ok...Vanny?" I heard Finn call.  
  
"Yeah?" I asked but did not dare to turn my head again.  
  
"I'll finish my course and then I come back to check on you, alright?"  
  
"No hurry!" I told him "I don't think I will go anywhere the next two weeks!"

 

"Can't we do that as well?" Mette complained still standing on the previous platform  
"I mean finish this course? This coach guy will show up every second anyway!"  
  
"My goodness, girl! Could you behave, just for once?" Gjertrud replied annoyed.  
  
"Don't talk to me as if I'm your daughter!" Mette snapped.  
  
Oi - tension! Obviously there were more problems to solve at CA then one would guess! I appreciated their quarrel - the less they would care about my epic fail!

 

Meanwhile Hannes had reached us.  
He climbed along the net and bent down to me.  
  
"First of all- you're sure that you're not hurt?" he asked me.  
  
"It's quite uncomfortable to be tied up for minutes with your pelvis as the highest part, hanging backwards ...but I'm in no pain or anything like that! Except for my ego..." I answered with a strained laughter.

  
He started to fumble my hair but not for long!  
  
"Oh, wow! I have no idea how you've been able to knot your hair like that! That's why you were asked to wear a ponytail, ladies!"  
  
"But I have!" I protested.  
Later I learned that the hair clip I was wearing had sprung open and fallen to the ground when I had bumped into the net.  
  
"Ok, Vanessa, I'm sorry but I think I will have to cut it off!" Hannes sighed.  
  
"You...have to cut my hair off?!" I asked shocked.  
  
"I'm afraid I have to! Are you ok with that?" He bent around the net to face me.  
  
I sighed. "Yeah...well, just do it! I don't want to hang here for the rest of my life!"  
  
He took a multi-tool knife out of his pocket and began to cut my hair loose.  
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths - I could feel it was a lot of hair and I just tried not to picture how I would look like afterwards!

  
As soon as he was done he supported me to lift myself up and free my leg.  
  
When I had reached the platform I dared to check out the back of my head for the first time. Gazing back at this big strain of hair that was still hanging on the wire I could tell it was not pretty!

  
Hannes helped us to finish the last two bridges of our course by giving some tips so we were back to the ground soon. The others went for the next ascent but I stayed where I was. I was done with that!

 

Only a minute later Finn came running down the path to the place underneath that net.  
When he recognized me sitting all alone on a tree stump he slowed down his speed and just walked the rest of the way. It made me smile.  
  
"Don't even try to pretend you were not worried!" I called out to him. "I can see you are!  
And for good reason! I could have been dead!"  
  
He stopped irritated. "Uh! Nonsense! You couldn’t!" The confused look on his face was replaced by a grin. "What actually happened? I can't believe it!"  
  
"I'm still not sure! I lost my hold when I saw Erik pushing you off that bridge! I know it was stupid but I was so frightened that very moment!"  
  
"Awww...my sweet little dummy!" he smiled and hugged me tight, cradling me back and forth a bit.  
Before he let me go he slightly patted the back of my head.  
  
"What the...? What happened to your hair?!" he asked surprised.  
  
I took a few steps away from him, trying to cover my head with my hands.  
"No! Don't look at me! I'm so ugly!" I whined.  
  
"Come on! Show me!" he demanded with big eyes.  
  
I sighed and turned my back on him.  
  
"That's..." he burst out laughing "... awful!"  
  
"Hey, thank you!!!" I replied and faced him again. "I already know how to cover it for today, though! I found my hair clip!"  
  
He watched me struggling to put on some kind of a ponytail again and not too successfully tried to calm down his giggles.  
  
"I don't want to be mean, Vanny but from all the people in this world this could only happen to you!" he finally sighed.

  
I gazed at him with a very straight face for several seconds.  
  
"Yeah, you're probably right!" I admitted then.  
  
  
He grinned once more and then he put his arm around my shoulder and led me down the path.  
  
"Let's go for a coffee or something! I'm not going up there again!" he said "This shit leads to nothing anyway!"  
  
I just nodded and smiled. I didn't feel like discussing it with him at all! Probably he was right anyway, plus there was nothing that could be any better than having him near when I felt shitty!  
  
Carlsen could climb his trees alone!


	6. The Bar

We spent the rest of the afternoon with Anna at the little coffee shop at the parking lot where she sat to fill out the confirmations for all CA employees.

Carlsen never got to know that we had stopped participating and Anna would not tell him.  
We had a good time, sitting there, chatting, making fun of the whole thing...  
Finn was completely relaxed with Anna, probably they never had had a serious problem, so I almost forgot that things were not one step closer to a solution in this company.

 

At about 16.30h the others were finished and we had a final meeting to recap.

After that we drove to a nearby restaurant where a huge dinner was prepared for us.

The location was a small, fancy hotel near the highway but obviously Carlsen had booked the entire bar- and restaurant zone so we were all on our own.

 

We were placed on tables for six but thankfully this time we could choose our company.  
So Finn and I came to spend the evening with unexceptional nice people like Anna and Frieda. It was my first opportunity to get to know Frieda better and I was very impressed by her. She and Finn seemed to have an attuned friendly relationship probably because they were working together for a really long time. I instantly liked her because she liked Finn, if for no other reason!

 

The dinner was exquisite! Finn ordered a glass of red wine and before we were finished with the dessert, two more.  
"Are you sure you should drink that much?" I inserted when the third glass came.  
"First of all I am sure I want to make my own decisions about drinking!" Finn grimaced back at me and took a big sip.  
"Why is it you two sound like a long married couple?!" Anna quipped.  
"Yeah I was wondering, too!" Finn answered "I was certain I had escaped from the bondage of marriage!"

I blushed and bit my lip. Why did he had to be so mean all of a sudden?  
I poked at my ice cream with my spoon and kept my gaze on the table avoiding to look at him sitting opposite of me. I hated to be mad at him but it felt like he had stabbed me in the back!

After a minute I could feel his feet catching one of mine under the table, pressing it slightly to get my attention. I looked up at him.  
"Hey...sorry! If for nothing else I should stop drinking because I am becoming rude!" he said apologetically, holding my gaze until I smiled.  
"Yeah, and I should not tell you what to do!" I whispered back to not wake the attention of the entire table again.  
"Not even if I was your girlfriend I should bully you like that! You are responsible for your own decisions!"  
He propped his elbow on the table, rested his cheek on his fist and explored my face with an amused gaze.  
"I love that you are concerned! It's just reminds me of situations when I caught harsh comments about my drinking because Sanna felt ashamed of me..."  
"But that's not what I am about! You should know that! " I replied sincerely.  
"No, you're not. But you should be expecting me to drink some more tonight whether you like it or not!" he said with a wink.  
"At least you could try to become a happy drunk, don't you think? No more quarrelling tonight!"  
"I'll do my best!" he promised "Do you want some wine, too?"  
I shook my head and smiled at him widely.

"Still no wine for me! Enjoy yours! I will stuff myself with all kinds of sugar tonight I think!" I added and scratched the rest of the ice cream from the bottom of the cup.

He lifted his glass and we clinked with spoon and glass.

"To me - becoming an alcoholic and you becoming fat!" he joked.  
"Wow! You should really improve your skills with talking to women!" Frieda commented on that.

I could see his ears turning red as he mumbled "Yeah, alright - she understands!"  
Frieda just chuckled and winked at me. She was really cool!

 

Somewhat later I went out for the toilet and when I came back I saw Finn standing at the bar ordering another wine.  
I felt like it was ok. If that was his way of enjoying this evening who was I to tell him differently! At least he was not grumpy or wishing to be somewhere else...

Mette interrupted my thoughts when I passed the table she was sitting at.  
"Hey, Vanessa! I just told what happened to you today! Come on, show us your hair!"  
I felt my face blush and glared at her furiously.

"No!! Why you have to spread this?!"  
"Aww, come on! It's not so bad! It's a funny story to tell your grandchildren!" Holger, who sat at the same table tried to charm me.  
I frowned at him and fumbled my hair clip to make sure my mishap didn’t show.

When Mette opened her mouth to tease me some more I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and without turning I could tell that Finn stood behind me, ready to support me.  
"She already made it obvious that you'd better drop that topic, don't you think?" he told Mette in a loud and clear voice.  
Holger burst out laughing

"Now look at Albert! Playing the knight in shining armour for our Intern!"

Finn squeezed my shoulder so hard it almost hurt.

"I told you t...to....to...to...!"

"To...to...to...? Come on Albert, give it to me! " Holger laughed scornfully and the entire table joined his laughter.

I could hear Finn breathe heavily through his nose and I knew he was fighting hard to not explode but focus on his speech.  
Then, suddenly he let my shoulder go and slightly kicked a leg of the chair Holger was sitting on.

"Bah! Just shut the fuck up!" he snorted out without any stuttering and pressed his hands against my back to make me walk on.

"Hey, hey, hey! What's going on here?" Carlsen raised his voice and turned around from his own table. "We were not passing this tour to insult each other afterwards!"

His eyes went back and forth between us and the colleagues sitting at that table.

"Anton...!" Frieda called out for him in a warning tone.

Looking at her I could tell she was sort of reminding him on a former conversation they had.

Carlsen nodded resignedly without gazing at her and then added:  
"And as we speak - I suggest we all should by degrees lay down this habit of giving colleagues nicknames!"

"Ah, no offense!" Holger smiled and turned back on his table.

 

"What was that?" I asked Frieda curiously with a smirk when I sat on my place again.

Before she answered she reached out over the table for Finns hand and squeezed it briefly.

"Proud of you!" she simply said and then she looked at me.  
"Do you mean Carlsen?" she ask. "We have had a little chat on several occasions! He needs a little push here and there!"

"Impressive!" I admitted "I didn't even know that anyone is calling him by his first name!"  
She took a look at the other table to him and smiled knowingly.  
"Yeah, well...I am at this company since the day Carlsen founded it 14 years ago. Everything was much smaller then and more familiar. And it was not too long after that, that Finn here came to us!" She nodded towards him.  
"You should have seen him - right away from university with his short black curls and his baby face - he was so talented!"  
"Hey, I'm still talented" Finn protested with a grin. He obviously felt a little embarrassed about her memories.  
"You are absolutely brilliant, darling! But it was even more outstanding when someone looking like a teenager built a whole mall!" she replied  
He crinkled his nose gazing at her with a bright smile "That was cool, wasn't it?"  
"It was!" she assured him.  
"You need to know it was the commission for this very mall that established our company on the market! One may think Carlsen should be more loyal towards a person who brought him where he is today..."  
"Yeah, something like that was going through my mind once or twice" I threw in.  
"Ahh...a lot changed since then, you know?" Frieda tried to explain "The business is getting harder every year! He's so concerned any weakness shown could cost us a commission! And he's stressed 24/7 ...much more than he lets it show!"  
"I can't believe you're too stressed to stop mobbing in your company!" I said doubtfully.  
"Well, girl...that's politics! He can't afford to lose any of his architects, so it's always a balance between not stepping on someone's toes or letting someone else down..."  
"It's ok, I don't need his support. I always have gotten along very well without that!" Finn interrupted her.  
Frieda and I started laughing simultaneously.  
"Alright, we know - you don't need anybody. You’re the most independent hero in the world! You're Batman!" I snorted.  
He made a cocky frown and took a sip from his wine.

"Ironman! I like Ironman better!" he said in a satisfied tone.

"You're such an idiot!" I giggled.

I tried to imagine what he had been like when he was my age or even younger.  
He must have been simply adorable! No wonder Sanna had fallen immediately for that sweet young successful genius he had been when they met!  
Maybe all that success happened too early in his life and made him turn into a person that was not really him.! And that broke him...

But now it seemed as if he was more and more comfortable with his life every day. We had a really good time at that table.

 

As the evening went on someone discovered that the bar we were sitting in had a karaoke machine. Some of the younger people started picking out songs and enjoyed making fools of themselves.

"Oh god! I hate karaoke!"" Anna moaned. " Everything turns out so damn embarrassing especially when all others are drunk and you're not!"  
"I know exactly what you mean but since a few years or so I'm on a mission to stop myself from being embarrassed by other people's actions!  
It's much more relaxing when you just lean back and enjoy the funny aspect of it, you know?" I told her.  
Finn nodded eagerly to my statement. "Yeah, this mostly has to do with Northern Europeans feeling uncomfortable singing in public! Karaoke was invented in Japan during the 70s and people there have a completely different culture concerning entertainment and spare time activities. There was a huge change in that culture after the Second World War had ended and Japan had become..."  
"Finn?...Finn!" Anna interrupted him  
"Yeah??"  
"It's enough! I don't wanna know!"  
"Oh - ok! Never mind!" Finn stopped with an insecure smile and took a sip from his wine, his hand slightly shaking.  
"It works!" Anna called delighted and patterned his arm. "I hope _you_ don't mind!"  
Finn gazed at me and gave me half of a grin but then we both got distracted by an ear crushing performance Mette gave of some ballad that had been on the charts during previous summer.

"Aargh! Oh god! My mission just failed!" I quipped and buried my face in my hands. "Even I could do it better!!!" .  
_..not to mention what Finn could have done!_

Several others tried out their performing skills - Karla, Rama, even Erik and Holger - and if I had not hated some of them so much I would have said it wasn't that bad!  
Then suddenly, while Karla was scrolling through the catalogue to find a new song, I spotted a song we had sung at the barbecue last week!

A grin took over my face when I felt this certain wish built up inside of me!  
I grabbed Finn's hand and pressed it to get his attention.  
"Do you know what we're going to do now?" I asked him eagerly.  
He raised his eyebrows questioningly.  
Was he drunk enough to do it? I knew he would never join if he was sober!  
I didn't even know if I would dare to actually do what I just thought of but now that the idea was born I couldn't stop myself!  
With my head I pointed towards the karaoke screen and dragged his hand to make him stand up.  
"Oohh no! No way!" he fended off and freed his hand from my grip.  
I took it back this time with both of my hands and looked him straight in the eyes.  
"Of course we will! That will be fun! We're going to sing 'Crying' by Aerosmith! Come on!"  
He was holding my gaze, shaking his head in disbelief.  
"You must be nuts! No way that I'm going there!" he repeated.  
"Oh come on, Finn! Just you and me and it's going to be bloody fun!"  
I stroked his fingers and put on the widest smile my face was able to give.

He glared at me some seconds longer then he squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head back.  
"Damn, I hate you! Why must you always..." he mumbled but then he got up and followed me.

My heart was beating hard and my knees were weak when we went over to Karla and I asked her if we could get that turn, since she was still irresolute.  
She just grinned and gave me the remote.  
Quick, before me or my partner could lose our guts I chose the song and we placed ourselves back on back on some kind of cube that was standing in the middle of the performing area, me with my view on the screen - Finn would not need the lyrics anyway!  
I tried to mute any of those comments the others probably gave on us and to focus only on the screen in front of me as well as on Finns warm presence on my back.

I was doing the first verse all on my own because that was the easiest part to sing and actually it had been my stupid idea so I felt like I should do it.  
Finn joined me for the chorus and when he then sang the bridge his voice almost blew me off my seat!

Because of the alcohol in his system he was doing his Steven Tyler performance even more passionately than usually and between the lines we sometimes giggled quietly because it felt so cheesy but funny!

During the last chorus Finn turned himself to cover my back, his left arm wrapped around my chest, holding my right shoulder and we both moved together to the music.  
As the song ended we both burst out laughing and when we stood up Finn gave me a high five and hugged me briefly.

Our audience's reaction was very ambivalent.  
About half of them applauded us, some even cheered and laughed with us but as we went back to our seats I heard several disparaging comments and mocking laughter especially from a certain table - of course!

When we returned to the others we received a lot of kudos and shoulder pats.  
"Wow, Finn! Who could have guessed that this was in you!" Anna called out laughing.  
"Well," he answered while he sat on his chair "There are a lot of things you don't know about me!"  
He laughed and inspected his glass to see how much wine was left.  
Frieda just smirked silently. She probably already knew his voice from their early years.

I didn't manage to be happy about our performance. With a grumpy face I let myself fall down on my chair.  
"I hate those idiots! Why do they always have to be so negative?! Is it so fucking hard to admit that he was good?" I groused.  
"Probably they're simply jealous!" Anna guessed.  
"Ah, sweetie! Unfortunately it doesn't work like that!" Frieda sighed. "It's not that people dislike you because they think you are a douche and then they find out you're not a complete idiot and suddenly they like you!  
Most people hate to be wrong! They feel embarrassed because their judgement turned out to be bad and no one is fond of changing the image they created of someone. The easiest way is to just ignore what you learned!"  
She patted my forearm "Deal with it! Things will change very slowly in this company - if ever! At least if Carlsen is not willing to exert a high amount of pressure...and he won't!"

I knew she was right but it concerned me that I wouldn’t be there too long anymore to support Finn. He just couldn't go on the way it was before!

"When do you think it is ok to go home?" I asked Frieda after I hadn't gotten my smile back for another ten minutes.  
"I thought about leaving myself, to be honest." she answered. "It should soon be over here anyway!"  
"So what are you thinking?" I gazed over to Finn to make him decide.  
"Ready to leave any time!" he said "But I assume I should call a taxi...I don't think I will be able to drive anymore!"  
"How about me driving you home?" I suggested.  
He looked at me doubtfully as if he had never considered I could even own a driving license.  
"What's up?" I asked when he didn't answer "I can easily do that as long as I have a navigation system to guide me!"  
"I'm sure you can!" he smiled widely, took his car key out of his pocket and shoved it over to me.  
"I trust you with my life!"  
"Thank you, I appreciate it!" I replied jokingly, grabbed the key and put in my own pocket.

We told the others good night and went for our jackets.

Thanks to the fact we came pretty early, his car was parked right next to the driveway of the pitch black, overfilled parking lot.

The doors opened when I pressed the key and I placed myself carefully into the driver’s seat.  
Awkwardly I changed the settings of seat and mirrors and then started the motor.  
Finn observed each of my moves minutely.  
"Keep it slow!" he intended "You're not driving a two-cylinder here!"  
I just smiled at him and hit the gas.  
The car sprang forward way too fast!  
Scared I rammed my foot on the brake so we both were dashed into our safety belts!  
"I told you!" Finn laughed.  
I exhaled slowly and took a tighter grip on the steering wheel. "Yeah, I see what you mean!"  
Much more carefully I stepped on the gas again and slowly drove the vehicle on the street, relieved that there was no need to maneuver around other cars.

Driving down an empty road was way easier! After a few minutes I got used to this new challenge somehow.

"Relax!" Finn said and stroked my still strained hand holding the steering wheel.  
I grinned "Feels awesome to drive this thing!"

I was not lying, it felt like I had superpowers!

Finn turned in his seat a bit and kept his eyes on me, leaning his face sideways against the headrest.  
"Did I tell you that you're the fucking best person in the world?" he giggled.  
"Thank you! And you're a bit drunk, aren't you?" I replied amused.  
"Not as much as you might think!  
No, I'm serious!" he smiled and snuggled himself into the seat "It amazes me how entertaining it is to spend time with you!  
And then there is the fact that you always stand up for me!"  
"Although I know you don't need it, Ironman!" I replied, smirking.  
"Um-hm!" he said and nudged his index into my cheek. "Don't you forget about that!"  
I giggled and tried to catch his finger without moving my eyes from the road.  
"What I don't get is why you're so stubborn all the time! Most things would be so much easier if you'd only ask for support!  
But- no! You always fight and fight and keep it all locked in!"  
"Don't be so naive!" he mumbled "Life is a battle! And the more you practice fighting the less you depend on others - so you won't get lost if they let you down!"

I opened my mouth to laugh about his statement but I got quiet when I became aware that I had felt the same way sometimes. The realisation of that made me sad but at the same time it connected us in a way.

"Then I should be your wingman, don't you think?" I smiled.  
"Yeah, you're my wingman! ... Birdie!" He chuckled happily at his own joke.

"But you know what I was thinking tonight? You should always keep an eye on what you're fighting for and if it's still worth the fight!  
Maybe you should assume to change your employer... I guess you could choose from a lot of offers!  
It's just...I don't feel like you will get things changed there at Carlsen Ark!"

"Oh well!" he sighed and sat himself upright again "You have a point there, I guess!  
I already thought about it. I thought about looking for a job in Göteborg actually - to be near my children again..."  
"That sounds like an option you sincerely should consider! You may regret it one day when you are separated from them so much!"

Was I completely out of my mind? What was I doing? I was sending him away!

"Vanny - I am deeply impressed that you are willing to support this plan!  
I would have never guessed you would!" He studied my profile with an incredible grateful expression on his face.  
"It's just a thought though! All I know for sure is that I think about it - and that I will ask Carlsen for an assessment next week... regardless to what I'm going to do with it afterwards!"

I nodded without looking at him.  
"I would support whatever you decide to do! That's what friends should do!"  
I said tensely.

"Have I told you that you're the fucking best...  
...yeah, I have!" he chuckled when I nodded.  
"You have!" I confirmed, laughing.

That was one of my biggest struggles - my head was always faster than my heart when it came to decisions!  
Of course it was the right thing to do but it would break my heart!  
Probably it would be much easier to find a new job in Oslo anyway!  
I resolutely pushed the thoughts aside.

Finn turned on the radio, stretched out his legs and spent the rest of the way home singing quietly along to all the songs coming out the speakers. I let my worries get carried away with his voice and concentrated on finding my way home instead.

I parked the car in front of his garage and when I turned off the motor and the music switched off he gazed back at me and stretched out, moaning.  
"Ah, what a day, hmm? Would you mind driving into the garage? I’ll open the door for you!"  
He got out and did as he said.  
When I had driven inside he closed the gate behind me and opened the small door to the backyard where he waited for me.

"Look at this!" he called out when we got out "It has cleared up!"

He threw himself into the hammock and gazed at the sky.

"Come here!" he said and made some space for me "Look at these amazing stars!"

That was so like him! I smiled quietly and went over to him.  
The way he was laying made me decide to place myself with my head next to his feet, besides it seemed safer to me that way in order not to let me try things again he would not allow.

The stars were sparkling through the leaves and resulted in one of the most beautiful sights I ever saw.  
"A pity we can't see enough of the sky! I was ready for some knowledge about star constellations!" I sighed.  
His hand was searching for mine and he started gently playing with my fingers before he answered.  
"Yeah, that doesn't work out with the tree...and I'm too lazy now anyway! Maybe another time. Let's just watch the blinking!

For a while we just laid there in silence, enjoying the slight wind going through the tree above us, the silent noises of the night and the closeness of the other.

I became tired. Just when I thought about going to bed he loosened his hand and swung his legs out.

"I'll be back in a minute!" he mumbled "Badly need to go for a pee!"

"Run!" I laughed after him.

I sat up on the edge of the hammock, preparing myself to tell him good night when he returned.

After two minutes he came back, his gaze kept to the ground while he was walking over to me.

"I think it's time for me to go to bed now!" he said when he reached the hammock.

I stood up.

"So..." he came one step closer, so close our faces were no more than a few centimetres from the other’s and placed his hands on my hips.

I felt like my heart would explode inside my chest that very second.

"...good night!" he whispered huskily

My hands were shaking when I raised them to rest on his chest.  
And then he kissed me.

His mouth felt as warm and soft and sweet as I always imagined it to be.  
He tasted of wine but it was just a side note of the sensations all my senses tried to experience during those first 5 seconds.

When our lips parted, he exhaled slowly and carefully and leaned his forehead against mine.

"You're a weird man, Finn Weber!" I giggled quietly. "Wasn't it just a week ago, almost at this very place that you told me this would never happen?"

"It might be the alcohol but it felt like the perfect thing to do right now." His nose tenderly stroked mine. "You know, some ideas need time to grow on me..."

We kissed again.

This kiss was long and intense, his hands in my hair, my arms wrapped around his chest holding him so tight I could feel his heart beat as fast as my own.

We didn't get too passionate; it was just like the perfect first kiss - tender and delightful and it felt all fine when we finally let go of each other.

He stepped back, only his eyes still holding my gaze, a loving smile playing around his lips.

"Sleep tight, Vanny. See you tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah, you will for sure!" I smiled.

 

When I walked back to our house a drunken bunch of butterflies were having a party in my stomach.

I turned back to make sure he already gone inside and then pranced through the high grass like a five-year-old.

Oh my god...it finally happened! How was I supposed to sleep now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and now we're on our way to The Cabin!


End file.
